Hi both, I can so identify with what you're going through. I resort to silence in the toilet sometimes, when I worked in an office that worked fine but at home I get yelled at for being in there too long. Now I'm self-employed I can go and sit in the van or drive around, or visit the drive-thru and console myself with a double espresso or something. If I have a mc Flurry I can share it with the dog, who works with me (he is Head of Security and Company Optimist). We both feel better for it. In some ways, I usually find it better not to try and explain how I feel to my nearest and dearest, because they might come up with advice which would not help at all because unless you've been where we are you can't understand.
The worst times are when the depression turns to anger and I'm just waiting for someone to do that last little thing that will give me an excuse to get REALLY angry. I don't, because when I get angry I become ridiculous and have to apologise after. Also, I'm 65 and if I got in a fight I probably wouldn't win.
A doc once explained to me that, in the cycle of manic and depressive, anger counts as a high, and triggers a low period, and so I work really hard at not getting angry.
Stil, whatever we have to do to survive is worth it, if only for the others who don't understand.
As Eckhart Tolle says, 'It Is as it Is'. I would add, 'We are as we are'.