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Down in a Hole


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#1 Ol'Beard-o-BeesPool

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Posted 03 December 2014 - 03:19 PM

Hi Everybody,

 

  I am feeling pretty down today.  Things are tense at work and miserable at home right now.  I feel like a thousand negative thoughts are weighing me down.  Have you ever felt like you were going to explode?  Something inside you is churning and you're waiting for someone to say that one thing that will set you off?  I feel that way right now and I cannot shake it.  My muscles feel tight and my head is pounding.  I just wish this feeling would leave and the more it lingers, the worse I feel about myself. 



#2 Judithemu

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Posted 03 December 2014 - 03:40 PM

Hi there

 

That is something I am all too familiar with. At the moment, I spend most of my time at one of two extremes - either I am on the verge of collapsing in tears on the floor, or on the verge of exploding and sending missiles flying at someones head. It is a rare day indeed when neither of these extremes assault me.

 

I'd love to be able to give you some tips for ensuring nothing bad happens, but I'm not so good at that part. My only ways of coping are getting up and walking away. Go to the kitchen, get a cup of tea and take 5 minutes out. Go and hide in the toilets - no one disturbs you there! Get out of the office and kick a wall instead of kicking a colleague. It can help, a little bit, some of the time.

 

Hopefully someone else has some better coping tips for you.....

 

Jude



#3 Ol'Beard-o-BeesPool

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Posted 03 December 2014 - 04:08 PM

Thank you, Jude.  I am glad I am not the only one!  When I feel like this, I try to keep things as level as possible through the powers of coffee, cigarettes and alone time.  It can be difficult though; I work with individuals with disabilities so I may be needed at a moment's notice.  I try to be as present as possible but on days like this it is hard to keep up the smile. 

 

I have never been too good at coping (I tend to just bury things) but I try to meditate and talk myself down.  Some days, like today, that just does not work.  The day just drags on and all I can think about is curling up in a ball in a dark room.  My wife would rather pretend I don't have any problems.  I tried talking to her this morning about some feelings I had and she just went silent.  I felt like such a burden on her my whole ride to work. 

 

I wish recognizing the reasons for my negative feelings made them go away...



#4 Judithemu

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Posted 04 December 2014 - 07:54 AM

It can be very reassuring to know you're not alone - it doesn't necessarily change anything, but it does make you feel a little bit less lonely to know that someone, somewhere, is going through similar things. The trouble is, we all keep these things so much to ourselves that it's only in safe places like this that you can find that reassurance. Keeping that smile on your face through everything is pretty tough.

 

I'm not great at coping either - my strategy was/is always avoidance - let's pretend it's not happening and maybe it's not, maybe it will just disappear. Unfortunately, the more aware you become of what's going on, the less able you are to use this particular strategy - it might be possible to avoid an elephant in the corner, but it's not possible to ignore or avoid the elephant sitting right in front of you!

 

Lots of people would rather pretend nothing negative is happening, it's why I don't tend to tell anyone, my nearest and dearest don't know because I can't take the silent treatment, or the upset, or the frustration they feel at not being able to help. easier just to keep quiet about it.

 

I agree so much with your final statement - knowing and understanding reasons for something is so much easier than making them go away. I'm stuck in the same position - everything seems fairly clear, yet I am completely unable to do anything about it. The frustration of that makes everything a whole lot worse....

 

I hope today is better for you....

 

Jude



#5 Marvin42

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Posted 17 December 2014 - 01:22 AM

Hi both, I can so identify with what you're going through.  I resort to silence in the toilet sometimes, when I worked in an office that worked fine but at home I get yelled at for being in there too long.  Now I'm self-employed I can go and sit in the van or drive around, or visit the drive-thru and console myself with a double espresso or something.  If I have a mc Flurry I can share it with the dog, who works with me (he is Head of Security and Company Optimist).  We both feel better for it.  In some ways, I usually find it better not to try and explain how I feel to my nearest and dearest, because they might come up with advice which would not help at all because unless you've been where we are you can't understand.

 

The worst times are when the depression turns to anger and I'm just waiting for someone to do that last little thing that will give me an excuse to get REALLY angry.  I don't, because when I get angry I become ridiculous and have to apologise after.  Also, I'm 65 and if I got in a fight I probably wouldn't win.

 

A doc once explained to me that, in the cycle of manic and depressive, anger counts as a high, and triggers a low period, and so I work really hard at not getting angry.

 

Stil, whatever we have to do to survive is worth it, if only for the others who don't understand.

 

As Eckhart Tolle says, 'It Is as it Is'.  I would add, 'We are as we are'.

 

Best wishes,

Marvin



#6 fiona

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Posted 03 January 2015 - 12:39 PM

Hello all -

 

Your commentary here reminded me of a poem I wrote, so I posted it down in the Poetry section of this website....waaaay down at towards the bottom of all the forums if you've never been there.  I invite you to have a read - it's titled "Consumed"

 

I guess it's been exposed that I sometimes work out my frustrations via my writing, so I guess this is more of it.

 

The end of it is somewhat of a call to myself and my readers to re-focus your attitude on what is coming in as negativity.  I think this is my theme for 2015...that I don't have to let what washes over me - especially as other people's negativity - always just trigger the same old responses and that maybe just maybe I can come up with a different approach once in a while.  I'm making a pledge to accept less bullshit and deal with things in a way that's going to protect and nurture myself - not necessarily what is politically or socially correct all the time.  I'll let you know how this works out.

 

Regards,

Fiona



#7 Jeff91

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Posted 23 February 2015 - 07:00 AM

Hi Everybody,

 

I feel like a thousand negative thoughts are weighing me down.  Have you ever felt like you were going to explode?  Something inside you is churning and you're waiting for someone to say that one thing that will set you off?

I've felt that, and it's terrible feeling.