Posted 29 October 2014 - 12:05 AM
I am relapsing. It's been two years, and I can feel myself falling back into that black pit. I know this because my tears come so fast and so easy and so abundant, and because Im destroying my most important relationships, and because I'm becoming cold and weak. And it's all too familiar.
The only reason I'm not hurting myself is because he'd see it on my wrists, and I promised him long ago that I wouldn't be another of those messed up girls. I'm horrified at who I'm becoming again.
I was scared this would follow me around forever, and it's doing just that. Please, tell me that it doesn't need to be this way. Please help. I feel so lonely in this immense sadness. Please tell me there's a way out.
I feel so small, and like I'm disappearing slowly.
Posted 30 October 2014 - 02:37 AM
Hi, and welcome.
Relapses are all too common. I still have them after 19 years - I was depressed before then, since I was a child really, but my diagnosis was in 1995.
When I see the scars all up my daughter's arms it hurts me more than I can tell. One of the things the pulls me through is knowing that I CAN be a better person for the sake of those close to me. I understand how knowing that what you do to yourself will hurt someone else actually makles you feel worse - but please DON'T. Even if you can't believe in yourself now, or tomorrow, after a few days you will find the strength to go on and, at that stage, you will be glad you didn't push away someone who can help.
Keep trying. You will feel better when the time is right.
Posted 07 November 2014 - 11:36 PM
What more can we do but keep trying new meds, treatments, and therapy, hoping for relief. My life is a constant roller coaster, even on meds. It's so hard to get from moment to moment, day to day, but seeing (in these forums) that I'm not the only one going through this really helps. I know the overwhelming sadness and loneliness that you are feeling. I hope you will keep trying everything and anything to feel better. That's what I do...