We'll just stick with starting over as my name, so I guess you can call me a shortened version like Stover...I'm not really sure why I'm here, I guess I'm hoping to find someone to talk to because I'm to ashamed to talk to my family. I don't want them to view me differently and I don't want them to think I'm weak. I've had a lot more happen to me than the people I love most know and I just need to get some of it off my chest. I'm at the point in my life that I am starting to feel the "push and pull" of everything that's going on around me and I feel like I'm drowning. Not every day is like that though, I have really good days and then really bad days where I just feel down about everything about myself, my life, everything.
Not really sure why I'm here
Posted 26 July 2014 - 08:23 PM
Please feel free to express yourself and just vent. That is probably the most effective way to get some feedback on this page. We're a little bit sleepy because it's summer and...so goes the song....the livin is easy....but we do care about all fellow travelers who are suffering in their own private battles with mental illness of various types.
It's not unusual to try to hide your deeper anxieties from your family. I've certainly been down that track with my only older brother who just classifies me as in the crazy column. Depends on what you want your relationship to actually be. It's not a super bad thing to show your vulnerable side and go ahead to reveal a weakness. You'll find if you are honest about it (and THEY are honest about it) EVERYONE has weakness of some sort too.
Sounds from your summary that you are mainly in a depression. If you've been down this road before you know that this stage of things can and should get better but you have to take some steps to take care of yourself. If you can't do it alone, there are various avenues to get help....some as simple as a minister at a church you attend, some as formal as a psychiatrist visit with the associated drug therapies, etc. It is a spectrum of interventions and only you can say what would actually benefit and feel comfortable to you.
If none of this is helpful feel free to read what others have posted to this site about various dilemmas. You are not alone and you are also not unique. Beating the Beast collects a wide range of commentary about mental illness as it manifests itself in our lives. Poke around in the postings and you are sure to find someone who has been through something similar.