I was on this board a few years ago, but only posted a few times. I used to read the posts quite often, and just reading them made me feel better. I suffer from dysthymia, with some episodes of major depression thrown in over the years. (I'm 50 now.) My mom died two years ago, and I attended a grief support group for a time after that. At the same time, I was still seeing a therapist that I had been seeing for 10 years. But something changed after a few months. I simply stopped wanting to talk. I was (and still am) in a relationship, and I guess I figured I had enough support with him, even though, quite honestly, he is not as in touch with his feelings as he should be, and as a result, doesn't always truly understand what's going on with me. But he tries, and that's worth a lot. At any rate, my work life has been bad for quite awhile as well. I quit a job several years ago because of the stress. Since then, I have had jobs, and even one full-time, but that one was cut due to the recession. Since then, I've been freelancing, and while I was able to earn a good living for one year, last year and this year have been horrible. I moved back into my mother's house (my childhood home) with my sister last October, knowing that we would be selling the house sometime within the next two years. Well, it all happened much faster than I expected -- the house was sold last Friday. We've been doing quite a bit of cleaning out the past couple of months, and the loss of so many memories is taking its toll on me. My family doesn't seem to recognize my depression, and since I know everyone is stressed about this in one way or another, I don't want to bring it up. I haven't been taking medication for quite awhile because it often just makes me sleepy (though it does stop the anxiety), but I've started back on it now. Do you know how, in some TV shows and made-for-tv movies (like Hallmark, for example), a person suffering from depression can go into a nice, bucolic, peaceful psychiatric facility in a country-like setting? I wish I could do that. But I live in a large metropolitan area, and a psychiatric ward would no doubt do me more harm than good. So I'm compensating by making excuses about not being able to work much, staying home and staying in bed quite a bit to get the rest I need. I'm hoping things will get better once the medicine kicks in.
I've written quite enough for now. Thanks in advance to anyone who reads this, and double-thanks to anyone who responds. I know everyone is going through their own grief.