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Just need to vent


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#1 beatingtheblues

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Posted 19 May 2014 - 07:24 AM

I was on this board a few years ago, but only posted a few times. I used to read the posts quite often, and just reading them made me feel better. I suffer from dysthymia, with some episodes of major depression thrown in over the years. (I'm 50 now.) My mom died two years ago, and I attended a grief support group for a time after that. At the same time, I was still seeing a therapist that I had been seeing for 10 years. But something changed after a few months. I simply stopped wanting to talk. I was (and still am) in a relationship, and I guess I figured I had enough support with him, even though, quite honestly, he is not as in touch with his feelings as he should be, and as a result, doesn't always truly understand what's going on with me. But he tries, and that's worth a lot. At any rate, my work life has been bad for quite awhile as well. I quit a job several years ago because of the stress. Since then, I have had jobs, and even one full-time, but that one was cut due to the recession. Since then, I've been freelancing, and while I was able to earn a good living for one year, last year and this year have been horrible. I moved back into my mother's house (my childhood home) with my sister last October, knowing that we would be selling the house sometime within the next two years. Well, it all happened much faster than I expected -- the house was sold last Friday. We've been doing quite a bit of cleaning out the past couple of months, and the loss of so many memories is taking its toll on me. My family doesn't seem to recognize my depression, and since I know everyone is stressed about this in one way or another, I don't want to bring it up. I haven't been taking medication for quite awhile because it often just makes me sleepy (though it does stop the anxiety), but I've started back on it now. Do you know how, in some TV shows and made-for-tv movies (like Hallmark, for example), a person suffering from depression can go into a nice, bucolic, peaceful psychiatric facility in a country-like setting? I wish I could do that. But I live in a large metropolitan area, and a psychiatric ward would no doubt do me more harm than good. So I'm compensating by making excuses about not being able to work much, staying home and staying in bed quite a bit to get the rest I need. I'm hoping things will get better once the medicine kicks in.

 

I've written quite enough for now. Thanks in advance to anyone who reads this, and double-thanks to anyone who responds. I know everyone is going through their own grief.



#2 Avalanche

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Posted 12 June 2014 - 06:13 PM

I'm sorry about your Mom's passing and the additional stress that has added to you.  I'm glad to read that you are back on medication - have you told your dr about the side effects.  I know when I increased the dosage on mine I was super exhausted until my body adjusted.  Sometimes it takes trying different options to find the right fit.  Right now sounds like you do need to watch out for yourself and that includes sometimes saying no - don't allow your depression to make you feel guilty.  Since it has been a couple weeks I am hoping this finds you better than when you wrote it.  I hope everything with the house has been resolved - moving, cleaning and going through stuff sucks but eventually it gets done.  Take care!



#3 beatingtheblues

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Posted 16 June 2014 - 03:49 AM

Hi Avalanche,

 

Thanks for responding. Yes, the doctor knows about the side effects, and she's given me a different option when I'm ready to try it.

 

I actually gave myself a break and went out of town to visit a good friend, which was probably the best therapy I could have given myself at the time. I'm ready to work more hours now, assuming they are available to me, so yes, I am definitely feeling better.

 

It appears that you may be new to this site. I hope you are able to find the support you need here.



#4 Avalanche

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Posted 17 June 2014 - 09:14 PM

So glad that you have options in front of you and that you took some needed time for yourself - so glad it helped!

 

I am new to the site and hoping to find my place in the community for when my world bottoms out or the day to day just overwhelms me.  Thank you for the welcome :D

 

Staci