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CHronic Depression (Triggering Material)

depression self esteem

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#1 LifeIsCruel

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Posted 25 March 2014 - 03:30 PM

Not a perceived imperfection...but A TRUE ONE!

See......four years I worked out...took supplements, ate right, (even did 2 cycles of steroids)...never could attain "THAT LOOK" I wanted!!! The one that most guys are born with or attain in 6 months...I could not get in four years!!!! In 4 years!!!!!! Yeah...work out like H--- for years...then some dude walks in...having never worked out and immediately presses more weight than me!!! Gee...thanks GOD!?!?
Then...to compound things....people.. People! Are always pointing out to me the things I hate about myself! (As if I did not know!) I have spent 99% of my life alone due to this...the 1% I was with a female...it was heart breaking to watch her "salivate" right in front of me towards guys with muscles and all!

Besides…I have never been able to fully enjoy “any moment” at all…due to my hideous looks/body….

Then…I also suffer from hair loss…and AGAIN..tried all of the “cures”…Propecia, Rogaine, etc…..=NOTHING!

 

I constantly compare myself to other guys and I do not measure up to any of themL!!!! This is unfair, such a rip-off, and very depressing! I even attempted to end it all due to lack of hair and muscles…twice…..  but I am content being alone...gotten used to it...I do not care if I ever have a relationship again...too much hassle and heartbreak and not worth it anymore! Why bother?? So she can !.) Lust after and fantasize about other men while with me B.) Leave me for the man, any man but me…who has “the look” or C.) Both A and B

But, it would be nice to "like" myself for the few years I have left...at least I hope it is ONLY a few...long enough...is enough!

Frustrating, depressing, heartbreaking, unfair, UNFAIR, insecure, inadequate, ...

"Professionals" with their "BS"...say "accept it" and "focus on your good qualities"....they can just pucker up and "KMA!!!!!!" After seeing and hearing 21 of these “so-called professionals” sing this “accept and focus on good qualities in yourself”..during my last visit this is what happened. They said, “Accept” and “Refocus”…I said, “Okay! I will do this! Now..what happens when I do and a guy comes along who has those so-called good qualities which you think I may have AND he has muscles and hair too? Then what do I think? Never mind Einstein!! I am done and do not schedule me another visit!” I walked out and never returned! CBT for me, is just like life for me…..a big rip-off!!! For me, their lines of thinking in therapy were: “Yes…so his new car is totaled and cannot be replaced or fixed, and the insurance is leaving him with a deficit……BUT….he has the new CD from the car’s player and except for scratches, a slight bend,  and a burn, it is fine.”

A good personality counts huh??? Yeah…I see so many women bragging about how their man has a nice personality!! (Sarcasm intended) and if he does…he also has hair and muscles too!

Yeah...it is very encouraging to be out with a girl and she lusts and salivates and talks about guys who "have" that look!  (Muscles and Hair) And it is not feasible to tell people close to me how I feel about this…as they will USE THIS against me every chance they get! Been there!!!!! This is why I abstain from dating now!
And yes…I suffer from chronic depression, acute anxiety, severe panic attacks, and not low…but NO self esteem too. I take the  meds…but they too are a joke too are a joke…..



#2 LifeIsCruel

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Posted 28 March 2014 - 11:29 PM

Wow!

 

I posted this 3 days ago and the advice has been welcomed...thanks everyone!!!



#3 fiona

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Posted 29 March 2014 - 08:05 AM

LifeIsCruel -

 

Yes it is cruel.  Sorry we have not been more responsive as a group.  This board was super inactive when I first joined (like no responses in months) but it has picked up a bit, so be patient.

 

Sorry to say as a female...  I'm sure it helps if a guy has an attraction factor, but beyond the first three minutes I could give a rats ass about your looks.  I am also not just looking for something better out there now that I've had my way with you.  I'm looking for you to prove yourself in a deeper way for what YOU are and can be to me.  If you can't man up to that, then yes, I'll probably move on.  Just being honest here in case you've never heard it.

 

If you want to talk about isolation, depression, anxiety, panic attacks…there is plenty of stuff here to read on this board already.  And yes, I agree with you that the "professionals" are not always as helpful as they could be.  That's why this board is here.  We are not professionals…..just fellow travelers.  

 

Don't focus your energy on anger about what hasn't worked for you, try to find something else.  We are here with you.

 

Fiona



#4 Woh56

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Posted 30 March 2014 - 01:17 PM

I can relate. It seems like most women want a buff airhead with no honor or personality traits. But you can make up for that or I have with being funny and being nice. Yeah it takes longer to achieve a relationship this way but in the long run it is a deeper relationship. As opposed to a strictly physical one. Doctors mean well they sometimes don't connect with you. Different strokes for different folks keep trying. The "look" takes work right? Working out, eating right, etc think about it like your after the look of happiness that takes work too. Your doctor is like you trainer you have to find one you like. All the best

#5 KylieJane

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Posted 01 April 2014 - 01:27 AM

Although I'm a girl, I can relate to this:

 

 

 

I constantly compare myself to other guys and I do not measure up to any of themL!!!! This is unfair, such a rip-off, and very depressing! I even attempted to end it all due to lack of hair and muscles…twice….. but I am content being alone...gotten used to it...I do not care if I ever have a relationship again...too much hassle and heartbreak and not worth it anymore! Why bother?? So she can !.) Lust after and fantasize about other men while with me B.) Leave me for the man, any man but me…who has “the look” or C.) Both A and B

But, it would be nice to "like" myself for the few years I have left...at least I hope it is ONLY a few...long enough...is enough!

Frustrating, depressing, heartbreaking, unfair, UNFAIR, insecure, inadequate, ...

 

 

Just today I was feeling great about my educational and work achievements, an actress who replied to my tweet and a local celebrity who added me on Facebook.

But then I ran into someone a lot more accomplished and better looking than myself. It brought me back down to an even lower point than I was at yesterday. 


Edited by KylieJane, 01 April 2014 - 01:28 AM.


#6 cavy_gurl

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Posted 04 April 2014 - 03:40 AM

Life's Cruel. Welcome :)

 

I want to start by asking you: Why do you want to have muscles and have this "image"? Will you feel any better once you've attained this? Will it bring you everything you desire? 

 

Humans are always looking to be better. I found that there will ALWAYS be someone better looking, more athletic more handsome, more beautiful. This doesn't mean you are not anything less. In your eyes sure you may seem incomplete. Not as good. Is this true? No. 

 

And its changing that mindset. Your mind is your biggest enemy here not your body. 



#7 LifeIsCruel

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Posted 04 April 2014 - 11:42 PM

Thanks for all posts...cavy_gurl..

 

Why do you want to have muscles and have this "image"?

I need this to be satisfied with myself......

 

Will you feel any better once you've attained this?

Yes!!!!! A "me" I actually "like" not loathe

 

Will it bring you everything you desire?

Yes...self esteem, self satisfaction, self fulfillment, desired by others



#8 Marvin42

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Posted 18 June 2014 - 01:33 AM

My perspective... I have always had a weedy body, although when I was younger I was stronger than most of my friends it was through hard work, and not targetted excercise to enhance my appearance.  Friends respected me for my abilities.  I sort of wanted a better-looking body, but the strength was enough.  I discovered that, on meeting someone, how I thought of them depended on their appearance - for about five seconds. After that what attracts me is the way they move, and then, most important, how they think.  In my experience, women tend to judge men in the same way.  You can't say 'if I look like this, then people will think this of me' any more than 'I will earn more respect if I own this' because there may well  be someone who will love you for yourself.  All the women who have been my friends have liked me for myself, the physical relationships (including 35 years of marriage) have been the icing on the cake.

 

Physical appearance is more important to ourselves than to others.  If enhancing yours makes you a different person, and gives you more self-confidence, fine, but it shouldn't be an end in itself - just remember that any enduring relationship will depend on love and caring and all kinds of stuff that is not helped one little bit by a better six-pack.

 

And if you think this is written by someone who wishes he had a better body, you're probably right.  I just don't think it would have made any difference to my life.

 

Just follow your dream, but remember that other people's dreams may be different, and we can learn a lot by trying to understand what they are.



#9 jillie

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Posted 28 June 2014 - 10:55 AM

Hi LifeIsCruel and welcome.

 

The others have all  made excellent points. It won't always click with a health professional, but that doesn't mean that it will always be that way, don't give up. From my advanced age (50s) I'm going to tell you that even if you could afford every bit of cosmetic surgery you think you need you wouldn't be any more satisfied with yourself in the end. Your problem is in your head, you do need to accept who you are. Maybe you're not ready to hear that yet, you're welcome to think I'm full of shit. 

 

And yes, physical attraction might count for the first few minutes. What I like best is a man who makes me laugh though.

 

love jillie x