Not a perceived imperfection...but A TRUE ONE!
See......four years I worked out...took supplements, ate right, (even did 2 cycles of steroids)...never could attain "THAT LOOK" I wanted!!! The one that most guys are born with or attain in 6 months...I could not get in four years!!!! In 4 years!!!!!! Yeah...work out like H--- for years...then some dude walks in...having never worked out and immediately presses more weight than me!!! Gee...thanks GOD!?!? Then...to compound things....people.. People! Are always pointing out to me the things I hate about myself! (As if I did not know!) I have spent 99% of my life alone due to this...the 1% I was with a female...it was heart breaking to watch her "salivate" right in front of me towards guys with muscles and all!
Besides…I have never been able to fully enjoy “any moment” at all…due to my hideous looks/body….
Then…I also suffer from hair loss…and AGAIN..tried all of the “cures”…Propecia, Rogaine, etc…..=NOTHING!
I constantly compare myself to other guys and I do not measure up to any of themL!!!! This is unfair, such a rip-off, and very depressing! I even attempted to end it all due to lack of hair and muscles…twice….. but I am content being alone...gotten used to it...I do not care if I ever have a relationship again...too much hassle and heartbreak and not worth it anymore! Why bother?? So she can !.) Lust after and fantasize about other men while with me B.) Leave me for the man, any man but me…who has “the look” or C.) Both A and B
But, it would be nice to "like" myself for the few years I have left...at least I hope it is ONLY a few...long enough...is enough!
Frustrating, depressing, heartbreaking, unfair, UNFAIR, insecure, inadequate, ...
"Professionals" with their "BS"...say "accept it" and "focus on your good qualities"....they can just pucker up and "KMA!!!!!!" After seeing and hearing 21 of these “so-called professionals” sing this “accept and focus on good qualities in yourself”..during my last visit this is what happened. They said, “Accept” and “Refocus”…I said, “Okay! I will do this! Now..what happens when I do and a guy comes along who has those so-called good qualities which you think I may have AND he has muscles and hair too? Then what do I think? Never mind Einstein!! I am done and do not schedule me another visit!” I walked out and never returned! CBT for me, is just like life for me…..a big rip-off!!! For me, their lines of thinking in therapy were: “Yes…so his new car is totaled and cannot be replaced or fixed, and the insurance is leaving him with a deficit……BUT….he has the new CD from the car’s player and except for scratches, a slight bend, and a burn, it is fine.”
A good personality counts huh??? Yeah…I see so many women bragging about how their man has a nice personality!! (Sarcasm intended) and if he does…he also has hair and muscles too!
Yeah...it is very encouraging to be out with a girl and she lusts and salivates and talks about guys who "have" that look! (Muscles and Hair) And it is not feasible to tell people close to me how I feel about this…as they will USE THIS against me every chance they get! Been there!!!!! This is why I abstain from dating now! And yes…I suffer from chronic depression, acute anxiety, severe panic attacks, and not low…but NO self esteem too. I take the meds…but they too are a joke too are a joke…..