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The start of the end of my rope?


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#1 fiona

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Posted 04 December 2013 - 01:19 AM

Hi all.

 

I have written about stress at work.  Today hit an all time high for that.  I was reamed up and down and spit out as incompetent by a consultant/supervisor whom I have been tasked to work with.  Up until today I had chalked her put downs as part of a quirky personality and tried to be very professional in accepting all criticisms as constructive (even when they didn't sound that way).

 

Now I'm truly convinced she is a bitch (and I'm not usually one to bring in words like that, but in this case I'm not going to hold back with you folks) and has gotten me so shook up that I naturally perform less than standard because I am nervous about every word that comes out of my mouth.  She has also thrust me into situations where I know I am acting in ways that are contradictory to the way my ultimate boss thinks, but even the boss who has hired me backs down from her own positions when my consultant friend spins the various takes on any given situation or maybe she thinks that she wants me to just follow my immediate directives.

 

The organization is spending a lot of money sending me to special trainings across the country and I feel very obliged to do my best but it's getting into the ridiculous and I'm trying as hard as I'm willing to try.  If it goes beyond and I am supposed to spend every waking hour of my general time and weekend working out all the details then maybe this job is not for me.  As it is I always go in early and very frequently stay late.

 

Not sure how to really take charge of this situation for myself.  Any ideas are appreciated.



#2 Lida

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Posted 04 December 2013 - 02:30 PM

Fiona I have wondered how your new job was working out.  I recall how much you wanted to find work.  But if I also recall correctly your need to find a job was not due to a difficult financial situation but largely because psychologically you felt worthless without it.  If that is correct then perhaps you can look at this job and this person in a different light. Whereas a lot of employees feel they have to take whatever shit a superior chooses to fling at them because they need the money, you are in a position to step back and assess whether it is worth it.  If you want to keep the job maybe you can make an attempt to reason  with this bitch.  Perhaps she is a bitch because she has been knocked around in life herself and feels it is a shield she needs.  Perhaps there is a superior you could have a heart to heart with.  If you feel you have something to offer this job and want to keep it at least you don't have to approach a solution from a position of desperation. It is hard to keep a cool head when  you feel you have something personal at stake, either financial survival or self-esteem. If you can survive without this job then that is where the cool head will come from.  Unfortuantely in this job environment I think a lot of employers feel they can demand whatever they want and give as little as they can and get away with it.  Good luck , Fiona.  Respect yourself and befriend yourself.



#3 fiona

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Posted 08 December 2013 - 04:24 PM

Lida -

 

Thanks for your thoughts.  

 

No, I'm not independently wealthy.  I do need a job for income, it's just that I had and still to some extent have a pretty good savings cushion that not everyone else does.  Plus I got a severance package from my old employer, plus I was getting unemployment money as well (not that it was a lot…but it did help).

 

I feel like I need to stick with the job in spite of everything mostly as a matter of pride as well as ultimately the money.  Jobs I was looking at elsewhere were very similar and I think in general the industry is going through some pretty rough times with a huge amount of change and extra demands.  The learning curve and demands probably wouldn't have been different in any of the other situations I was looking at.  I usually enjoy a challenge, but this is way beyond.

 

That being said I feel pretty strongly I just have to "suck it up" at the job.  I've been tasked to work with my friend the bitch no matter what her personality.  I haven't done any heart to hearts with my ultimate boss and get the feeling that she will not be a very sympathetic audience either (she is under a lot of pressure as well).  I have thought several times about trying to be more assertive with my friend the bitch but experience has shown so far that it only seems to make her more angry with me.  Stretching my compassion to think that she may have had rough times and is only taking things out on me as a reaction to her own past or in a struggle for some sense of power is something that I have been doing for quite a while.  Just not sure that I can keep it up.

 

The ultimate prize here is certification - which is why they have been sending me for training sessions half way across the country.  If I can just get through the tests and projects that belong to that I will have the golden ticket…something many other employers are actively seeking.  I would feel bad to not stay after they created and paid for that opportunity for me, but if it really gets nasty that is always a choice…or maybe a change to a different department.  I am just starting to hear some of the inside stories about others who have gone before me….one did transfer to a different department and boss, another did not pass the tests and had to transfer because of that.

 

Sorry to have rambled a bit.

 

Regards,

Fiona