I am a 28 year old gay male that has dated but never had a long-term romantic relationship. I am aware that I am dealing with some internalized homophobia because I openly choose to hang out with my straight friends over the few gay ones I have. I feel disassociated with people in general and can't seem to reconcile the mixed feelings I have about myself. My way of connecting seems to be through alcohol consumption, I overdo it and reap the negative consequences soon after, then wake up realize I haven't developed anything authentic for friendships to be built upon. Life seems really scary to me and I realize up to this point I have made decisions according to my fear based judgment of my environment but I would like help in being more courageous. I don't expect help but maybe just someone to share their experience with me and maybe listen to one another.