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I have difficulty developing meaningful relationships (platonic and romantic)

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#1 Love2Laugh

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Posted 15 July 2013 - 11:01 PM

I am a 28 year old gay male that has dated but never had a long-term romantic relationship. I am aware that I am dealing with some internalized homophobia because I openly choose to hang out with my straight friends over the few gay ones I have. I feel disassociated with people in general and can't seem to reconcile the mixed feelings I have about myself. My way of connecting seems to be through alcohol consumption, I overdo it and reap the negative consequences soon after, then wake up realize I haven't developed anything authentic for friendships to be built upon. Life seems really scary to me and I realize up to this point I have made decisions according to my fear based judgment of my environment but I would like help in being more courageous. I don't expect help but maybe just someone to share their experience with me and maybe listen to one another. 

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                                 



#2 Ed the chow hound

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Posted 17 July 2013 - 09:37 PM

Well,

 

Dont feel too bad about your relationships, most people have difficulties in relating one on one. I  think gay people probable have a few extra problems but love aint easy at the best of times for anyone. I  guess we all need to keep looking until we find some who is compatable with us.

 

good luck

 

Ed the chow hound



#3 fiona

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Posted 23 August 2013 - 08:43 PM

LovetoLaugh -

 

All I can say is that you don't want to follow my example.  I am a female straight (but who knows) all the way into my 56th year of life.  A good chunk of my prime was cut down by mental illness and I can say that I've come over to the other side, haven't been in the hospital for 7 plus years now, have (had) a good job, own my house, own my car, have no debts and should be pretty well off.  But NOT...because I have never met my special someone.  I always told myself that I would connect AFTER I got my life together.  Now that I can say that has mostly happened, there are few people out there I want to reach out to.  Maybe this is some of my unconscious depression sabotaging myself, maybe it's that I've put on more than a few pounds due to medication.....who knows.....  I am not looking forward to being by myself in my older life because that's one of the things that results from relationships and marriage and the progression through life that you have others to accompany you through to the end.  

 

Don't be afraid of taking some chances while you still have plenty of time to land the right one.



#4 Ed the chow hound

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Posted 24 August 2013 - 01:04 AM

Fiona,

 

You sound like you have the beast under control, congratulations keep up the good work.

 

hugs

 

Ed the chow hound



#5 koolibah

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Posted 09 October 2014 - 08:05 PM

I too can feel so disconnected to people, even my daughter. Ive run from people all my life. Alcohol used to give me the courage to interact but it caused too many problems so I had to quit that. Fear and anxiety are my constant companions. I wish you well in your struggles.



#6 Ol'Beard-o-BeesPool

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Posted 04 December 2014 - 07:58 PM

Love2Laugh,

 

  First of all, you are courageous!  You may be sitting there thinking, "Pshh whatever all I did was type something" but that took courage.  Any time we open up we are pouring our very souls into the world.  I'm sorry but that takes a bit of courage.  Fear would have told you to not even bother coming to this site!  I know it's probably not a big comfort to you but I still think you're courageous.

 

  Friends are friends, regardless of orientation.  Don't beat yourself up over who you choose to spend time with; they must mean something to you.  Like Ed said, "Most people have difficulties relating one on one" (so true).  Have you tried dating sites?  I do not know where you are but OKCupid is free and has a pretty fun community around it.  If you go in expecting to find your soul mate, you may be disappointed but if you want to connect with people it might be a good start.

 

  In moderation, alcohol can be an effective social lubricant.  Alcoholism is a disease and no laughing matter but booze is not inherently evil.  The trick is knowing the difference between your "fun zone" and when you've gone too far.  If you can find that sweet spot it might help more than hurt.  I met my wife at a crazy college party although neither of us remember the actual meeting.

 

  I hope one or two of those words gave you SOME comfort.  Best of luck and stay strong!