When I came over to France deliberately decided that I really didn't want to get into some big relationship right away. And that's been working for me I'm having time to discover who I am away from all the drama of being with the bloke. I've been working on my self-image and trying to convince myself I'm not completely flat and ugly, but it's been working up to a point.
So it came as quite a surprise to me that I just got groped. (oh and being french he asked me if liked the carresses?) This is someone who my French teacher introduced me to one of her friends, an older man, who I thought was just being friendly. Turns out that although I may just be thinking platonic thoughts all the time not every French man is. What do you do with that? My 'Very English Upbringing' is all for brushing it under the carpet, then the voice of experience kicks in and says are you mad if you ignore it he'll think you like it and come at you again.
So now I've got one half of my brain screaming ewww use really all what on earth to see think he's doing. And the other half, is shouting out, wow you must look really old and wrecked someone that old to be going for you.
It did however, highlight for me that I've been isolating myself somewhat. My friend Arianne told me the last time I saw her that I should really have a relationship with the French bloke in order to improve my French. LOL. That's not a good enough reason for me to be interested in a bloke. LOL (ooooooooooh look at that I do have self-esteem after all, perhaps all that therapy did work after all)
but the dirty little secret is after being married to a man who didn't want sex for 10 years, actually it was kind of nice to have anybody coming on to me, I've had one tiny little fling with a musician more than a year ago and since then nothing.
ame as quite a surprise to me
I had hadn't really noticed it until, and i'm certainly not lonely , and I'm certainly not sure that I have room in my life for a full-time partner, but perhaps I could try looking around and seeing what's out there . the only problem is I don't trust my own judgement, or anybody else's really , aside from the language barrier here , I'm well aware that there are a whole host of cultural differences between the French and the English, or the French and anyone for that matter. and then on top of that you have my difficulty in reading other people, 5 subtext is hard enough in your own language let let alone a foreign one). my Mmplete lack of barriers in dealing with the opposite sex, my inability to flirt , were distorted self-image oh and that tendency of mind to believe that everybody else on the planet is right before I am, and I've got to think it was it really worth it?
Q, is there a single person on this site who truly believes , hassle of having a relationship is worth it ? at least when I'm by myself if I have a bad day and I don't want to get out of bed. i've only myself to answer to. then there's the horror of dating and finding clothes to fit and make up etc the whole flirting thing I was never any good at that I'm not sure i'm ready to even think about anything like this yet.
Nevermind me, now I'm thinking that if i'm this upset just thinking about having a hypothetical relationship then I probably don't want real one anyway. There now that was easy. I'll stick with the plan of learning french and getting comfortable in my own skin before I even think about finding someone.
That little voice that says 'You're only getting olderand fatter' can shut right up. and the one that keeps pointing out that my last therapist had this theory that I became so strongly attached to my animal friends as a way of avoiding human relationships, can go take a walk in the park.
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