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#1 jon

jon
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  • Gender:Male
  • Location:lincolnshire uk
  • Interests:fooball, countryside ,coast , pub when im allowed ,trying to stay young lol xx

Posted 24 June 2012 - 04:33 PM

hi everyone
well i new it was only time before i was back with you ,but didnt think it would in these circumstances,after 27 years of marrige we have finally split for good.
as some of you may remember it hasnt been agood relationship for years,we have had no sex life, no kissing and cuddles (the main things i need} ,not putting blame but that was not on part ,i have felt pushed away and worthless for avery long time ,a year ago i did something very stupid a girl showed me some affection and we kissed nothing else ,she found out and my wife has brought this up everytime we argue,im not making excuses it was wrong .we had a fall out about 3 weeks ago and she did the usual left to stay with friends ,she has known for years this breaks me i always try to be strong and dont contact her until my mind is on burn out and i go begging for her to come back,which usually happens,this must of happend atleast 30 plus times since we have been togrther,this was my punishment.this time was differant i could see the hate in her face ,she said she hadnt felt anything for along time and that she didnt love me and didnt like me.i ended up at hospital and was admitted to a rest bite house for 7 days ,a wonderful place,i thought i was coping well i have kept a brave face when she has been to the house no begging know tears she thinks i am well and getting on with my life i just dont want her to think she has destroyed my self confidence again,something puzzels me when i she her there is no feelings towards her i emagine being back with her then think there is nothing there and if we were together i would not be happy ,for two weeks i kept feeling up and down and when i was up it was a good feeling of optimisum and this is ok ,then the last couple of days i feel like my insides have been riped out, i think,who will want me 49 yrs old no self worth no confidence this has been crushed over many years,im so scared for the future i dont want to be on my own i carnt bear it i just need to be loved i dont seem to have ever been. thank s for reading this ramble and if anyone has had the same or simular experiance please relpy or if anyone can make sense of what my mind is doing let me no
thanks xxx