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#1 listener

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Posted 08 June 2012 - 11:39 AM

I just wanted somewhere to let out some of my feelings.

I had a difficult conversation with my fiancé tonight. We live for the moment on opposite sides of the world, and he has been going through a pretty rough patch for a while. Over the last few months, I've been so proud of both of us for the way we have stuck together and supported each other through circumstances that could have torn our relationship down, but instead we pulled closer and committed more deeply than ever and somehow the hardships and uncertainties caused our relationship to become stronger and more serene. I guess we realised we wouldn't make it through if we didn't give everything we had, so we did.

It's hard being long-distance. I wake up in the mornings and get on the computer to talk to him in his evening. I find it a bit hard to start my day after that for some reason, I guess the conversations we have are general and wide-ranging and relaxed and bantering, and then I find it hard to get my head back into the quiet focused state that I need to get on with the things I'm working on. I'm trying to work towards a freelance writing career; I used to be a good writer and had a couple of articles published on my first try sending them to the main newspaper in my city, when I was in my early twenties. They asked me to write more but I was depressed at the time, and tossed it in as I had other priorities to care about, and I never came back to writing. Never really had any career. Now I'm getting close to 40 and I want to try again. I'm rusty on putting the words together and have written so many scribbles and notes but not yet one finished 'piece'. And I struggle with my confidence. But I can't believe that I could have lost my ability so completely and I'm willing to persevere.

I miss my fiancé terribly and don't know how long it will be till we can have the visa we need for me to go back to live with him and be married. Based on estimates, it will probably be around a year all up that we'll have been apart, by the time I get back there. It has been six months now. It's so hard because all we can do is sit and look at each other on the screen and talk. Sometimes you say things you wish you hadn't because you were just trying to interact and talking was the only way how. I said some poorly chosen and insensitive things last night and caused him to feel very demoralised. We kind of argued. I've been kicking myself ever since for being so thoughtless and uncontrolled. I have been neglecting myself and my routine a bit and it makes me fuzzy and less careful and sensible in the things that I say. I should really stay off skype and look after my own health and balance a little more, but I keep missing him and calling him and then finding myself taken aback when I put my foot in it or in some other way mishandle the conversation.

He used to come here and read some of my posts. I don't expect he will see this necessarily, he doesn't look in very often. But if he does I guess he will see how I feel and that I'm sorry... and that I love him - not that he needs to read it here to know, lol. I wanted to email him or call him but I just felt that the more I try to talk about it with him the more confusion I make out of what's essentially nothing... and I should take some time to try to clear my head. So I'm letting my feelings out here instead. Sometimes you get so caught up in someone else, so caught up in trying to care about them and endear yourself to them and to have their love, that you forget to keep in touch with your own self, and then it all starts going a bit haywire. Can anyone relate?

Edited by listener, 08 June 2012 - 12:32 PM.


#2 listener

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Posted 10 June 2012 - 07:33 AM

Oh well, we had a really long talk today (6 hours! :ohmy: ) and we climbed our way through a lot of the issues. We both have 'baggage' that gets in the way sometimes. But it's nice, we seem to have a lot of tolerance for one another, we get upset but we hang in there and keep trying to work it through. It's a good feeling when you get to the tipping point and the tension starts to fade as you realise you really are on the same side. The argument we had the other day had begun over money matters, I often try to organise him and tell him how to manage his finances - and he appreciates it but sometimes gets very upset as he feels I'm criticising him or trying to make him give up his basic pleasures in life. He'd even suggested that I might need to find someone else who was better able to support me, or go back to my parents or my ex. That hurt. Today when we were trying to talk it over, it was still tense, and I was telling him that I felt like I really need to find a way to work and earn an income, despite my health issues and lack of work history, so that I could help out with our finances - and he kind of snapped at me, 'I've never expected you to work!' I was close to tears and I yelled back at him, 'Don't you understand, I WANT to because I LOVE you, you STUPID BIG ARSE!' He started to laugh then and I had to duck down under the camera so he wouldn't see me smirking through my scowl. lol. We ended up having a long talk about our different backgrounds, our attitudes towards money and the experiences we'd had that had shaped us, the reasons why we each make different choices about how we live and spend and save, and just general stuff about our families and histories. It was a good conversation. Sometimes there is difficult stuff to get through but when we can figure out how to work at it together it makes the work seem much easier and something you're so much more willing to do.

So now I just have to find a way to start earning a living. I have all these ideas and it's just a matter of... making them happen. Somehow.

So anyway, if anyone's listening to my soppy old saga, thanks for listening.

Edited by listener, 10 June 2012 - 12:15 PM.


#3 Hangingon

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Posted 12 June 2012 - 01:12 PM

((((Listener))))

Have indeed been listening to it all, just at a loss for words many times......... :oops:

Glad you guys are sorting things out. Relationships are a hell of a lot of work and it would be soooooo much easier to find that perfect "out of the box" mate, wouldn't it? One who is pretrained, who totally gets you with zero explaination. Sadly it never works this way.

So, do tell, what are your ideas for ways to earn a living? Maybe talking it out will help make it happen.

Keep plodding along with each other, and keep talking your issues out together. The one thing I have learned is that building a better "me" has led to a better "us"...... So keep the focus on yourself and your self improvements!

Love

Sheila

#4 listener

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 11:05 AM

Sheila, you're so sweet. Thank you. :bighug: It's just really nice knowing that you've been there and caring about me and my wanderings, lol!

I have been really happy with how it's all going over the last few months. I think we just both went into a bit of a crisis after realising we'd be apart for so long, and it took me a while to come to terms with it and learn how to be 'long-distance' again. But I think things really have started to knit together and... I'm really looking forward to the future. :smile: We don't get upset with each other much anymore, but when we do it always seems to bring us a little closer after we've calmed down and talked it through. I feel good with that. I guess the longer we're together the more we are relaxing into it.

Work-wise... Well, I want to do something with my writing. At the moment I'm just trying to get into practice again, writing essays or articles that are 'finished' pieces, having a start and a middle and an ending. It used to be the easiest thing for me at school and university but I'm so rusty now. I can write emails, posts, no problem. But they are kind of freer and you don't have to have a 'topic' and a 'point'. That I'm not so good at anymore and I struggle a bit. So I'm just working at getting back into that again. Maybe I'll be able to write some articles that I can pitch to magazines and other places. I was so lucky with the newspaper all those years ago - I don't know if it will be the same this time round!

I've been also toying with the idea of a blog, and/or maybe short books that I could make available as e-books. I like the idea of writing and sharing things to do with, um, how would you call it - inspiration, personal development, dealing with adversity in healthy and uplifting ways... I feel like I've spent so much of my life working at and learning those things, because I've needed them so much in my own life, and often people tell me that I help them so much and they find it encouraging talking with me or being around me. I know I don't have my own life all together but I do have so much I could share, and I love being able to encourage and support others - so I think it would be a kind of synergy for me, the more I can offer strength and inspiration to others, the more it comes round and uplifts and inspires me.

I'm also considering some kind of coaching/counselling course of study... And I hope that doesn't make anyone laugh! heheh. I've always felt a bit like I couldn't do that sort of work, despite being drawn to it, because I didn't have myself together enough. But I've come to feel that I do have enough wisdom and clarity and compassion to be able to be there for other people and help them find their own answers, or even just to be more comfortable with not knowing and waiting for the answers to arrive - even if I don't have all the answers to give them. I think I was scared off from being a counsellor or psychologist in the past as I felt that I would be constantly confronted with people suffering from very severe and overwhelming problems, and that I wouldn't be able to handle it emotionally. I've come to realise that it isn't necessarily like that, there's a whole range of people who go for counselling, and also I think that if I went towards becoming a coach, that would allow me to focus more on helping people to improve and enrich their lives by discovering their passions and bringing more happiness into their lives, instead of focusing solely on problems and suffering. It's not to say I don't want to be involved in anyone's suffering or pain, but that I would like to have a greater range of involvement in people's lives - and I'd like it if I could also be involved in helping people in working to create the life they did want and dream of.

That's some of my thoughts anyway. I like these ideas because they'd allow me to have some control over my work schedules and how I did things, and I could manage my work so as to also be able to take care of my physical and emotional wellbeing at the same time. Would love any comments or thoughts!


Listener

Edited by listener, 13 June 2012 - 12:48 PM.


#5 Hangingon

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 02:38 PM

:biggrin:

You seem to have a handle on it and you guys seem to be working through it quite well! Long distance relationships are not easy at all, but at least there is the common goal of being together as soon as it's all possible!

I'm also considering some kind of coaching/counselling course of study


Love that idea to be honest. I think you'd be great at it, no doubt about it. I've seen your kindness, compassion and understanding here so many times so I know you'd totally rock at this! Kind of thinking to myself, but I think if you went this route, it could lead back to the writing as well. Get into this, work at itfor a bit and then you'd be able to write about it....... Just a thought that would tie all your passions together. Sounds like you really are on the right track!!!

Love

Sheila :?: