5 replies to this topic

[drgnfly]

I had some blood work done at the doctor a few weeks back and have found that my cholesteral is slightly high- not much but it has increased about 50 points in 7 months. My blood pressure is also slightly high, the only time I've had blood pressure issues is with my pregnancies. I had preeclampsia with both my boys, one dangerously high and having to be induced 5 weeks early. I'm 34, 155lbs but I'm 5'7'' so it's not extremely heavy for my height. (amazing what the anonimity of the internet will make us disclose. I wouldn't tell anyone personally my weight for anything!!)

The problem is that I don't exercise. I struggle with this bipolar, I am horribly short tempered. I yell at the kids when they are misbehaving. I hate raising my voice. I can't get up a flight of stairs without struggling with breath. Why can't I just start walking? I hate my body, to the point that I'm embarrased to go out in public. I know exercise would improve my symptoms both mentally and physically. I'm worried about my health, but instead of doing something about I eat more food and sit my lazy rear on the couch and read. If I take the kids to the park, I'm too tired to do anything but sit and watch. My house is messy and dirty. I don't get up to clean. I am anxious and feel clausterphobic because we have too much stuff in our house, but I don't get up to go through it. At least I go to work, but my concentration doesn't come with me.

I'm miserable. Any advice? You all understand how hard it is to fight this beast, all I hear from my family and friends is to push myself to go to the gym. I know the steps. It's just hard. I've become this lazy blob of a person and I hate who I've become. What have any of you done to overcome this?

Love to you all, my second family.
Sabrina

[Tantalus]

I don't really have any advice for you unfortunately. I can certainly empathize with the lack of motivation for exercise though. I have been wanting to exercise recently for many reasons, but I just can't force myself to do it. I don't know what to do really.

I'm not a big fan of the statement "just push yourself", it's nice advice, but it's not always the answer.

In the past I've managed to make progress by just beginning slowly, but not overdoing it. If I do too much to begin with it just seems to make me dread trying again. Measuring success by how much or how often seems to set me up for failure. I remember a time some years ago when I decided to begin exercising again, I went out and biked long and hard. I was so tired and so sore that it took days to get over it, once I was over it I dreaded going through it again; and I ended up giving myself one more reason not to do anything.

I keep telling myself I will get out and start biking again, with visions in my head of covering miles. Sitting here now I'm able to remind myself to have a little more realistic and healthy look at it. Maybe I just need to start by biking around the block, doing something I am able to have success at while enjoying myself is probably better than telling myself I'm failing by not biking that 15 mile trail.

I think I might even be better off by just getting out and walking around the yard a bit, looking at the plants and birds; that may be a better start, certainly easier.

I guess I'm spending a long time boring you when I should just say: I believe we sometimes make things harder on ourselves by setting our goals too high and then the failure to live up to those goals just drives us down even further. Let's just start slow and small, with tiny expectations that we can actually accomplish. In the end our real goal is to feel better about ourselves isn't it?

No matter how much I sit here and babble it still comes down to getting started though, and I'm not having any more luck at finding motivation than you are. I can come up with thoughts and strategy, but can't come up with the motivation to actually do it. *sigh*

I think I need someone to kick my ass if I don't get out and do something. lol

[Chaos]

Sabrina,
I am like you in that I can not get myself up to clean house, exercise or pretty much do anything. I think that perhaps the depression and anxiety does this to us. I can't even get a shower! I eventually have to make myself bathe!

I think Tantalus is right, we just have to start small. My problem is finding the motivation to start and to keep at it. I am over weight, much more so than you are, I am 5'9" and 205lbs. I have recently lost 20lbs according to my medical records. I lost some of the weight because I cut out snacking. Then I lost some of the weight because I have little to no appetite. I don't know why I don't , but it is okay with me. I would think I would lose more weight because of this, but lately I have been stuck at 205. I would guess that I don't lose any weight because I don't MOVE.....

I hope you are able to find some motivation somewhere. If you do, please keep us updated. I need some motivation.

Chaos

[Ed the chow hound]

Sabrina,

The folks that tell you to push yourself have never suffered from clinical depression, pushing yourself may work for non depressed people but for the depressed it is like pushing on a piece of string, it just dont work.

love ya

Ed the chow hound

Edited by Ed the chow hound, 20 January 2012 - 10:50 AM.

[drgnfly]

Thank you for the replies:) I agree that starting to walk is a great way to get moving. My excuse has been this sucky Wyoming weather. Either it's snowing or windy. Last week we had gusts of 75mph! I ignore the fact that we have a YMCA about 1/2 mile from my house or another gym directly across the street from my work.

Tant, I know about overworking it. I bought an excercise video and hurt so bad when I did it that I've never touched the thing again. Last summer I went out and bought running shoes because I seemed to think I could do that after sitting on my rump for months. Again, thought I would die and now my shoes look great with jeans when I have to get groceries.

Chaos, great job cutting out the snacks! Is it bad that I'm jealous of your lack of appetite?

Thank you for the support Ed! That's why I love it here, you all understand when IRL I have no one whos suffered from depression or bipolar.

Love ya all!

[Ed the chow hound]

Drgnfly,

Support is what we do best at BTB, we help each other to survive each and every day that why I have a special place in my heart for all BTBers.

love ya all

Ed the chow hound