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To seek help or not

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#1 white

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  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Iowa

Posted 28 December 2010 - 06:52 PM

I am new to this but not to my symptoms. I have gone through what in the past I thought was addiction, and after a closer look have realized its states of mania for many years. I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has been in the situation where they are so low and know they need help but by the time help is available your feeling okay and then don't get the assistance needed not so long ago? I have gone to therapy and whatnot and always quit because I think I'm okay, when in reality I'm just okay for the moment. I also have a huge feeling of shame and guilt for feeling the way I do. I have been told too many times that it's just a weakness and that I need to just get over it and I think that somewhere in my head this has stuck although I am very aware that it doesn't just go away. My work has started to be effected and my family and I have little contact due to them not understanding me. I keep my real friends at a great distanc so not to burden them with my problems. I am right now very close to the lowest I have ever felt and am fighting like mad not to make irresponsible and irrational decisions. Another issue I have with therapy is that I work with people with disabilities, both mental and physical and people with mental illness are what I specialize in at their residential setting and I can suggest to them how to deal with their illness and yet when I go to a therapist I find it boring and useless because its what I already know. I need suggestions as to what will help me with my issues. I am not medicated and have no insurance and most places don't want to touch me. I also am very prone to ranting and am very scattered in my thoughts with very little ability to focus. Where do I turn and what is the best available option out there for me for I feel like I'm losing this battle quickly?