[rosie8]

I feel quite anxious at the moment, there is hardly any work with my pet business - and for the past 2 weeks its been extremely quiet - when the 2 weeks before I was very busy. Feast or famine a builder once told me - so I keep repeating this to myself.

Last night I was filled with the gaping loneliness of my life when my daughter leaves home in September. I just see me being so alone and empty. I know I should not live my life through her - but I am really dreading the house being just me and the dogs.

When she is at home, her friends come by and the house is noisy and I love that. I looked at other options - such as Fostering (a life long ambition - not something I just thought of). But a horror story on the radio the other day about a woman who adopted a very disturbed girl who caused her so much pain is making me re-think it over.

I am trying to keep busy, been doing all the DIY jobs that have built up over the year. Put a lock on the shed door and other stuff. But it feels like I have done nothing important.

I know I would have to pay someone else to do the jobs I am doing myself so its all swings and roundabouts. I feel guilty as bought a 2nd hand mobile phone off ebay when I can't really afford it. My old one is on its last legs and I need it for the business. I am fed up with bashing myself over my head for every small decision.

The anxiety is building, and I am convinced that something bad is coming. I know when I post here it lances some off the poisonous thoughts away.

R

[punisher]

well if you need it for the buisness, then its wise buy...

you can always try and promote your buiness when its quiet.. discounts, advertising etc, i dont really know, just trying to be helpful sorry...

[rosie8]

Thats ok punisher -they are good ideas... all input is helpful, I appreciate the reply.

Had an otherwise ok day until had an email with a cancellation of work 2 days before I was to start....trying not to get totally pissed off now.

Hope everyone else is ok.
Rx

[glassslipper]

Rosie

I think for a single parent, working outside the home AND taking work in the home, you are doing wonderfully well. Somehow I dont think I would be able to do all that. Its taking all of 'me' to drive in and out the Rhonnda and keep ticking over.

At least with the pet business, some of it is in your control and you dont have to travel miles to do a second job, waste petrol money, or rent a shop that no one comes to, so there are plusses. But sometimes thats hard to see.

I do know loneliness, though not the parent/child thing. Its a bastard to shake off and I find I pick myself to bits when I feel lonely, The Why List gets really long and the start of Bridget Jones diary always comes to mind, that Elvis Karate Kick does it for me.

I imagine the house will seem quiet without your daughter around, for a while and then logic dictates other things and events will fill your time and when she does visit, you will find your little routines have been established and as much as you will love to see her, you will love to see her go, cos she will mess with your clothes, leave loads of washing up, use the last of the milk and not shut the back door.

Dont let one story put you off fostering, I cant imagine fostering has been a snap over night decision for you. I was in a childrens home and some of the kids I wouldnt have let loose in Beruit on a bad day!!! Others, though appearing to be shits, needed very basic care and the need for a hug to be fulfilled from time to time.

Putting a lock on your shed wont seem important, till some shit trys to break in or a badger has taken refuge when you want your lawn mower.

Bash yourself over the head, by all means, but let me use the foam loofah first, haha, I understand exactly what you are doing, cos I do the same, though I am damned if I can figure out why such minor stuff turns into major stuff.

I know what you mean about the 'portent of doom' hanging around, I get the heebee jeebies and start being extra careful about my driving, locking stuff up, double checking whatever I do, planning what ever I am about to do. The times I've drove back to my house cos I 'know' I unplugged the iron AND put it back in the rack, BUT I HAVE TO GO BACK AND CHECK, THAT I DID DO IT. It may sound daft, but I do get the heebie jeebies and over the years I have come to recognise, whether you think I am nuts or not, that its 50/50 whether the unshakeable heebie jeebies thing is a good thing coming or a bad thing, but my initial feeling is that its gotta be bad, experience tells me 'it aint necessarily so'.

I wonder whether by doing the DIY jobs around the house is some sort of 'preparation' for your daughter going to uni?

Hugs to you and your babes

Maria x

[rosie8]

Ah Maria
You are a tonic - giggled and nodded agreement through reading your reply.

Thanksx

[mkrs]

I don't really know what advice I could give you since I still don't have a family of my own, but I would like to commend you for doing a great job in raising your daughter well. Doing several jobs at a time is a difficult task and I salute you for that Rosie.

I understand that at times in the future, things may be beyond anyone's control, but I say try and look at the present. Instead of worrying what will happen tomorrow, the next day or the next month, enjoy what you have today. I read somewhere that we live so far into the future that we often forget to be present to the moment in front of us. Why not enjoy the quiet days you have now and spend more time with your daughter

I really hope you are better now. Do keep us updated Rosie!


Mariel

PS: I'm glad to see someone here in the pet business, I just love animals! (Hehe sorry I just had to comment about it )