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#1 e.j.f.

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Posted 20 July 2010 - 02:54 AM

Hi everyone,

It's been a long time since I've hung around here. I was never so active posting, but an avid lurker. All of your stories and sharing would really help me relate, and give me different perspectives on my own depression and anxieties. So I'm back, at least tonight.

My past few years have been pretty good. Two years ago I went off the meds and have been doing quite well. Depression comes and goes, but I've finally felt like I'm getting the right skills to handle it better. Been seeing the T pretty much every week until a month or two ago when we backed off to every two weeks.

I'm working on moving a few states away, going back to grad school to get a PhD. Leaving my job, following my dreams and all that stuff. I ended a long-term relationship that wasn't really what I wanted. I'm proud of myself, but I've got moments when I miss the support. In these dying days of an old life, I'm alone in my apartment. It's mostly empty, with most of my stuff in boxes. And my guts are churning with the panic. It hasn't been this bad in a really long time. Life alone to chase my dreams is what I want - but man, freedom is terrifying!

This morning was my last regular session with the T! I've been waiting for that moment with some dread. It's weird to think back to the time after my suicide attempt when I practically had to drag myself to the phone to call her. I'm worried about keeping good without someone so wonderful and supportive. I've been thinking about trying to establish with someone right away, before it gets bad, just in case it ever does get bad again.

I can't wait until the move is over - the weird limbo I'm in is too much stress.

#2 Sunshineinmyface


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Posted 20 July 2010 - 01:56 PM


Congratulations on taking these steps to realize your dream. I hope the limbo is not too long, but hang out with us for a while as you weather it and get started in your new life. Yes, do get established with a T as soon as you can after you move. I hope you have a ball going to school and keep chasing that dream.

Deep breathing will help the anxiety - take the edge off at least.

Keep in touch. Sounds like all the changes you have made are fantastic.


#3 drgnfly

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Posted 21 July 2010 - 04:23 PM

e.j.f. I'm really impressed that you are going after your dreams. Change is a really scary thing, but if you don't do it you'll never know how great it will feel when you can say you've accomplished your goals. I also focus on deep breathing when the anxiety gets to be too much. I find a room that is fairly clutter free (hard to find in a house with small children) and concentrate on peaceful thoughts and how it feels when the air enters and exits my body. It usually gets my heart rate back to a normal pace.

I would definitely recommend finding a therapist in your new home asap. That way you can find the right one for you, before you may need the support, if that makes sense.

Good luck to you. I'm excited to hear how your move goes.

#4 pita


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Posted 21 July 2010 - 05:04 PM

Wow, you are making some big changes!!! Sounds great! You have been working really hard. Cutting that last string to an old life sounds scary and exciting and scary. You will be great! Best of luck.

#5 sanntick

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 04:28 PM

You are right on one point. You need support, and you need a live relationship. As you said that freedom is terrifying, it is so. Freedom is one of the fundamental right of any person, but then again if you have no one to share your life and thoughts with, then how are you going to celebrate the freedom too ! Thus, get someone in your life, find a friend.