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#1 Apple Blossom

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Posted 27 June 2010 - 04:23 AM

Well, I haven't been on here in a while because I've been so busy getting ready for Summer Session of college to begin. Now, the day has come. Today me and my mum moved into my dorm (my roommate's MIA) and after maybe 5 or more complete breakdowns, I'm finally collapsing into bed at midnight or whatever time it is now. I do believe I cried more than my mum, which is kind of sad. One of my first things to do is find the campus psychologist and give him/her the book-like forms I had to sign, so that's a first step to NOT crying myself to sleep every night here. I miss everything allready, and it hasn't even really been a full day. Did I mention this session is only 6 weeks long? And then a 2 week break and then back to regular, full-time, head-on college? Yeah, I feel like I'm on a roller coaster I thought looked awesome, but am now glued into, making it not as awesome as I was lead to believe. My 'bathroommates' are in an adjoining room. I only met one of the duo living there, and she's a big partier. I was never a big partier. So, with her being the only thing close to someone to hang out with as of this moment, I'm swept up into a million conflicting emotions. I miss my mum, my cats, my stuffed animals on my comfy bed, walking to my friends house on a lazy afternoon, being close enough to still touch everything in my world. I guess we could chalk this up to Apple's 'Change Is A Very Bad Thing' philosophy, but still- I did this once with high school, when people were not on the same page as I was, and I just hope and pray I can do it again. I do appreciate the fact that the windows only open about 6" or so, and have thick mesh grates on them- especially with me on the 6th floor. Dark humour, anyone? I've got plenty to go around. So now, sitting here, having cried a few more times, and taken a few breaks to call my parents and my friends to tell them all how much I'll miss them and how much I love them, I am left with that same 'hollow chest' feeling, my body aching due to the tension of the sporadic panic attacks I experienced throughout the day. That should be something to look forward to in the morning. But I digress, I was wondering if anyone who'd been to college and dealt with this kind of predicament before had any insight that could protect me from making a complete ass out of myself? Any great conversation-starters? Ways to cope/hope/nope/dope? I'd love to hear anything that might help with getting through college alive and in (preferrably) one piece!

Slightly more Lost and Confused than usual,
Apple :bighug:

#2 glassslipper

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Posted 27 June 2010 - 11:58 AM

Hi Apple

My first thought for you was 'oh, what a shame you feel so homesick'! second thought 'wow, I'm envious, that you have a home you miss', never had that pleasure till I met my lovely hub at 28 years old.

It will feel like a long time, but break it down into time you sleep, meal preparation, trying to avoid 'party animal' next door!!, its only a few hours. Make a regular call home, whether its once a day or once every two days, I am sure ma n pa are missing you just as much and will love having calls from you. Take time out to write them post cards or letters, cos unlike emails they are in your handwriting and can be pinned up and carried around in handbags or on the sunshields in the car. Try to tell ma n pa and your friend somat good each phone call, let them know you miss them, but make the aim of the call to leave them feeling happy you called.

Your stuffed animals? When you go home, bring a few back with you!! Or get them some new friends to take home.

Conversation starters? Hi, whats your name, where are you from, wheres the best take out, oh god, I'm so tired, whaddya think of: recent new song, clothes shop, weather, tutor, politics, etc etc. We all love to talk about ourselves and sometimes the way to make friends is just listen, you may only have to say 'yes' uhuh' a few times and you will have a friend for life.

When I find it hard to cope, break things down to small time frames, quick tasks and think only about the next thing, not 10 things ahead.

Sometimes change is a bummer, but would I still like to be on baby food and sitting in a pram at 46? Nah, dont think so.

Being the grand old age of 46 and remembering what was so important to me at 18, it was quite a stressful time and advice I would give you? Dont rush things, hang back a little and people watch, take a few minutes to think about what you say, try to judge the atmosphere, they will all be just a self conscious as you, they are just doing a better job of covering it up. I only found out years later from my former classmates just how terrified they were of different things and situations, but it took about 15 years for me to find that out.

Once you get over the scarey mary bit, I am sure you will do just fine and hey it aint like this is a remand centre, its college and there will be others who feel just like you do, it will be a matter of letting them open up and feel confident that they can drop their mask.

Maria x

#3 Sunshineinmyface

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Posted 28 June 2010 - 01:12 AM

Apple,

I think Mary's advice is right on the money. Break the time down to manageable amounts, regardless of how small, sometimes minutes.

Do keep up with your mental health and make sure you are comfortable with the medical people you are working with, if not find someone you do feel comfortable with.

Taking time to get the lay of the land, what is what, what people do, how people are, where things are, etc. is very important in my book when making any kind of change. Give yourself time to figure some things out and think about what you want to do. Remember, you can always change your mind.

Consider what activities you would like to be involved in, what is available in the summer? Get involved slowly because you can add more later depending upon the time you have and how you feel.

Give yourself a transition time, say two weeks, to just cry and write about being homesick and how much you are not liking change, and humans generally do not like change. Then, try to cut out the crying and enjoy the life you are building at school.


Post often here and let us know how things are going.


Hugs,
Sunshine

#4 Apple Blossom

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Posted 07 July 2010 - 02:04 AM

Once again, thank you so much for your help and immense kindness with my trivialities. As for an update- It's been a little over a week now, and it seems that when my roommate is home, and there are things (no matter how small) to distract me, I don't feel a nervous wreck. I've made a small group of friends, which is enough to get me going, so people here have told me. The 'party animal' has invited me out, to which I (right now) declined, gesturing that I'd be into it at some other time, which still leaves some options open. I've been following your advice, breaking my time down into half-hours and hours, thinking primarily on what must be accomplished that day, leaving the swarm of negativity in the back of my mind for as long as possible. I find that reading, writing, drawing, and sewing are extremely usefull coping skills for me, so whenever the Beast tries to creep up behind me, I try working on the forementioned activities. Mum and dad came up to visit for a very uneventful, rainy 4th of July, and they were too wonderfull, and brought up my cat, who was as reluctant to part as I was. Hopefully this encounter, paired with daily calls home to friends and family (as well as some letter correspondance promised between me and some friends back home) should last me the 5 weeks untill homecoming. For fall session, I'm thankfull to have this site filled with such wonderfull people as support for the inevitable repeat of nerves I'll face. Thank you guys again, and I'll be sure to keep you posted.

Apple :bighug:

#5 sanntick

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Posted 23 December 2010 - 04:41 PM

The situation you are facing is not uncommon among new boarders in college campus. Many students who are otherwise very closely attached to the family, goes through this period of depression.

There are two remedies. First is to make friends, and willfully party a few times to make a group of yours. This way you will feel that you have made a family here too. Also keep some chocolates and your favorite munching stuff handy. Remember chocolates are great mood elevators. Those things will be good mood elevators for you, which you specially enjoy eating. So keep munching in short intervals.