Very broken and way down
Posted 13 March 2010 - 09:53 PM
Extremely depressed and the idiot doctors I have gone to always ask me what to do? I hate doctors they are mostly stupid! Now they say I will or should have shoulder surgery. I am in constant pain and can't stand taking the pain pills, they make my vision blurry and don't feel comfortable driving. Yesterday, I ventured out (with my one arm to drive) and my car now seems to be dying. Does anyone know why I am being punished for living? Should I continue to take the constant trials and tribulations that come my way constantly. All I do is cry, feel depressed, lonely and worthless. I'm 63 and now I will get old fast because I can't move. How can I ever get a job again when it's been two long very hard years of trying to get a job and fighting the age thing. Now I am broken...
I just don't know what to think and if anyone has any ideas let me know please...
Posted 13 March 2010 - 10:50 PM
Posted 14 March 2010 - 01:05 PM
I am sorry that all of this has come down on you. I admire your strength for handling things as best you can.
The economy dropping off like it did left too many feeling like they had little worth, myself included. We take these things so personally when it really is beyond our control. I think of you as a very experienced professional rather than a 63 year old woman. I struggled for over 2 years financially and felt a bit worthless. I do remember your posts and personal e-mails about your work struggles. For me, I don't identify myself by what I do but earning money is essential to our survival and to just live a modest lifestyle. I am 52, a spring chicken. Recently I became employed 32 hours a week and benefits kick in this coming week, I also interviewed with another company who is presently me with what I think will be a very good offer. The economy is changing and employers are hiring again. They are also hiring on the basis of experience rather than just getting the person who will work for the least amount of money.
Pain sucks! I hope the coming surgery gives you relief from it. I hope the gym has a good insurance policy to help you through all of this. I almost lost my hand about 3 years ago, I know what it is like to operate with one hand. For me it was my left hand which has no thumb. Boy we learn to be resourceful, don't we. Be proud of that!
Idealistically I would hope that you could sit down with your daughter and have a good honest conversation about what you are going through. There are techniques in having these types of communication that you may have learned in the business world. Start with positive things to welcome her into the conversation, broach difficult or constructively critical topics in the middle and then end on a positive note. Offspring often see their parents in a different light, not realizing that we are not that much different in are emotional being. Reach out with no expectations and you might just be surprised. I can only guess that there are others that would love to help you as well. If you don't ask you will never know.
Maybe it's time for a new pdoc. None of them are perfect and sometimes they are just not a good match for us. Soon, you will be that vibrant woman who is working out at the gym again.
I will keep you in my thoughts and I will remain hopeful that all aspects of your life fall into line.
Posted 14 March 2010 - 02:46 PM
I am so sorry you are struggling and juggling so many difficult things at the moment. I hope the surgery lifts the constant pain you are tolerating right now. I have just climbed out of the hole of depression myself so I am not in a good place to give advice. One thing at a time I guess is all any of us can do and for now that sounds like it would be tending to your arm. Please do keep posting.
Posted 14 March 2010 - 02:54 PM
All the best, J-H
Posted 23 March 2010 - 05:54 PM
I send you my best wishes across the miles.
Posted 27 March 2010 - 05:08 PM
Draw on the support of your BTB cyber family to help you get through this period, we are all here for you. please keep posting.
Ed the chow hound