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Vicious Circle


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#1 natoking

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Posted 25 January 2010 - 11:41 AM

Hey everybody. I guess you can tell by my posts that I am somewhat up and down, I guess that's why I am posting in the bipolar section! lol!

I lost my job over 2 years ago after a major depression episode. I have my own business and a part time job now. I make about half of what I used to and I am hopelessly in debt. I am a very extroverted person, so I hate being alone. Loneliness triggers me into depression or into mixed episodes of depression ands mania simultaneously. I am having a terribly difficult time attracting a woman in my current state of finances and my state of mind as a result. Being 51 years old, most women have kids and need a certain amount of financial security. Don't we all. I have reached the point where I have stopped taking my meds because I can't afford them. One week into it, I am going out of my mind.

So, I have no money. Having a tough time attracting a mate. Lonely, so I get depressed. Depressed makes it hard to get a job. Broke, so I can't afford meds. It's a vicious circle. If I could just get a break on one of these fronts, I think I could get back to my normal self. I was outgoing, fun, adventurous and happy. Now I just feel like I am waiting for my world to collapse. The work that I do is just to survive on my own and care for my loyal dogs. It is very tiring trying so hard and not getting anywhere. I am simply existing rather than living. I pray I will get a break.

Bob

#2 glassslipper

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Posted 25 January 2010 - 03:26 PM

Hi Bob

I am not sure which is worse, being up or down, or just down with a little bit of hope thrown in then ripped away.

I love my husband very very much and he loves me, but I dont think its helping me right now. I am terrified and nothing he does or says can comfort me, I havent slept for god knows how long. I ate some pizza a coupla days ago, but since then tea and ciggies. Lost 5 kgs in the last 2 weeks, hes cooking for me, he loves me, I love him, but I am still terrified. I get no joy from this life, just terror, I am hoping for hope, I am looking for a way out, but it dont seem good

Lets hope we can all catch a break when they are handed out, my mind isnt going very far these days, its too frightened to.

As far as women go, when you find the right one, your finances wont matter, they really wont, and if they do, she aint the one for you.


Have a hug from me, you have your dogs they need you, I maybe forced to euthanase mine, so dont let go of things your dogs need you there, no one will love them like you do. As I know no one will love mine, like me.

xx

#3 Sunshineinmyface

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Posted 25 January 2010 - 03:38 PM

((((Bob))))

Finances are a bitch when we do not have enough. This will not help in the short term, but perhaps in the long term: perscription assistance programs from the drug companies will pay for meds for those without insurance - www.pparx.org is a good place to start. Enter all your meds in the program and they will spit out how to go about getting those meds cost free. In the meantime I am wondering if you can call your doctor and see if you can get some samples - they all have them for at least some meds. Good luck with this. I got three medications through three different programs from this site about 2 years ago for about a year until I got insurance so I know it works and is not that much of a bother.

As for the mate, I have to agree with Glassslipper, the one for you will accept you for you. Those looking for money are only interested in money. Glad you have the beautiful doggies to keep you company. Relationships take time, as you know, and no amount of wishing will speed up the process.
Take those doggies out for walks and to various cafes and such as you know they are people magnets and perhaps a potential mate will be attracted by the doggies.

hugs,
Sunshine

#4 drgnfly

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Posted 27 January 2010 - 10:26 PM

((((Bob))))
I'm here and I understand. Stress over finances has to be one of the biggest causes of stress. I just had an interview for a second job because my hubby and I are afraid we are going to lose our home. The stress you feel over money is unlike any other. As Sunshine said, there is help out there. As a fellow bipolar sufferer, I know that living without meds is not a good option. You have to take care of yourself!

And as the other's have already said, you will find someone that will love you for YOU! Not the numbers your banks says you have, or whether or not you drive a fancy car. If she is turned off by your situation, she's just not the one.

I'm sending hugs,
Sabrina

#5 Ed the chow hound

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Posted 28 January 2010 - 10:50 AM

Hi Bob,

Thinking of you and sending you supportive vibrations through cyber space to help you kick the beasts ass.

hugs

Ed the chow hound

#6 natoking

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Posted 28 January 2010 - 02:04 PM

Thanks all. I am far from a materialistic person. I do understand that potential mates (lovers) need a certain level of security though. Not a big house or a fancy car. Just a little peace of mind. I have dated rich and poor women but the real measure of a mate is the richness of their soul.