Posted 16 April 2009 - 10:11 PM
well, its pretty obv. im drinking too much again.
drank the last of everything last night so i would have nothing for today/night.
I guess it is a problem...but it doesnt seem THAT big a problem. I find myslef saying/thinking, "well, im not doing X or Y...so it cant be that bad'
I also know the alcohol will only make the depression worse....but somehow it makes it alla bit easier. It shuts my head up for awhile.
Been thinking of trying rehab again. I tried once but had leave the same night as they wouldnt allow to have the one med i was due to it being addictive...at that time i couldnt manage off it. Especially being in a new place, new ppl etc. (it was an anxiety med, clonazepam/klonopin).
But, to me i think i shouldnt take up a space that probably someone else needs more than me, deserves more than me.
I rationalize that im still cleaning/cooking/etc. Not getting 'really' drunk, causing problems/in trouble...so how can i possibly have a problem??!!
To me, right now, saying im an alcoholic seems ..almost melodramatic..i hope someone can understand that.
But seeing some of my replies, most of which i dont recall making, is rather embarassing...i want to say, "im not that person, really"
and then go hide
So an apology for stupid, nonsensical replies...they are a waste and not helpful in the least.