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Bulimia? ***Triggers***


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#1 PsychoticButterfly

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Posted 09 December 2008 - 03:36 PM

Well, I'm back here at Btb because once again I've started falling.
I now also got an eatingdisorder on my back..
I've lost 10kg in a couple of weeks, but I have 23kg left to my "idealweight"...
Only recently I've started to feel the side-effects of wanting to loose weight, starting to throw up cause I don't wanna get fat again and stuff...
And then the binging.. I feel so fat and disgusting.

And now I fear of going back in my old tracks and starting to SI again, cause now the angst is getting real high...
I don't wanna eat ever again, I just wanna lay here and disappear.
At least then I'll die beautiful.
I feel like cutting so bad.
My personality disorder makes this so much worse, I don't know how I could fall so rapidly..
Ugh, now I'm starting to get suicidal again.
And everbody thinks I'm feeling great(well I was a week or two when I lost 6,5kg...)
And I'm on my last term of DBT, so then I'll go back to the open children psychiatry and only talking to my t-doc once every other week...

#2 kewy13

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Posted 09 December 2008 - 07:05 PM

(((((butterfly)))))

wish i knew what to say. can you get the dbt extended? i hope so. have you had bulimia in the past? what helped you overcome it?

:c: :c: :c:

xoxo
kewy

#3 windcuffer

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Posted 10 December 2008 - 01:57 AM

((((Butterfly))))

I can only repeat what I said in your other post; you need to be honest with your doctor. Trying to hide this is delaying the inevitable and it is a dangerous path to take. Please ask for help..

windcuffer

#4 ImReady

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Posted 10 December 2008 - 05:46 AM

I'm in the exact same spot you are..
and i'm thinking what you are too.. so just know your definetly NOT alone.
please don't let it get too far...

lots of hugs and love :bighug:

#5 Sunshineinmyface

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Posted 10 December 2008 - 06:22 AM

((((((PsychoticButterfly)))))

#6 PsychoticButterfly

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Posted 10 December 2008 - 07:15 AM

Thanks for all the replies!
I don't think they can extend my dbt tho:(
I haven't had bulimia before, or atleast this is what I think. Before it was just binging and then not eating as much for a day or two, not like it is now..
And I don't think I wanna get out of this, I'm normalweight and think I need to get alot skinnier for people to try to stop me.
The thing is that I don't want them to stop me, I feel like I need to reach my goals first(44kg, and I'm 1,74m tall). Well anyways, people have started asking because of my rapid weightloss if I'm eating, and I lie, ofc. If I tell my t-doc she'll prob send me to the ED-team, well I guess they're full but she might tell my parents and then they'll stop mew from frowing up...
I don't know anymore, it's chaos in my head...

#7 PsychoticButterfly

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Posted 10 December 2008 - 09:13 PM

Acctually they're going to close all the DBT in my region apparently:(

#8 windcuffer

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Posted 11 December 2008 - 12:04 AM

I'm really sorry you are losing your dtb. The possibility of an ed needs to be addresses now rather than later. Please get some help butterly..

windcuffer

#9 PsychoticButterfly

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Posted 11 December 2008 - 05:20 PM

I'm really sorry you are losing your dtb. The possibility of an ed needs to be addresses now rather than later. Please get some help butterly..

windcuffer

Yeah, but that's life I guess... I know but I think it's not that a serious ed...

#10 windcuffer

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Posted 13 December 2008 - 01:05 AM

Something that may not seem serious may be more serious than you think. There is a very strong desire to rationalise behaviours such as eating disorders, by saying it isn't serious and it may not be, but maybe it is, or it soon will be. I used to rationalise drinking 10 pints of lager a night by looking at the others in the bar. The fact that we all had the same problem didn't really occur to me. I know this is a different situation, but it's a similar thought process, but please, get some help now?

Very best wishes

windcuffer

#11 PsychoticButterfly

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Posted 13 December 2008 - 04:26 PM

Something that may not seem serious may be more serious than you think. There is a very strong desire to rationalise behaviours such as eating disorders, by saying it isn't serious and it may not be, but maybe it is, or it soon will be. I used to rationalise drinking 10 pints of lager a night by looking at the others in the bar. The fact that we all had the same problem didn't really occur to me. I know this is a different situation, but it's a similar thought process, but please, get some help now?

Very best wishes

windcuffer


It's not serious, I don't think so... Ugh, Idk.
I'm still fat, so it couldn't be, right?
OK, I know my goal weight is much below the "underweight limit" but yeah.
I'm gonna be stopped anyways.
But I might need to get the courage to talk to my therapist 'bout this...

#12 Sunshineinmyface

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Posted 13 December 2008 - 06:17 PM

sending boxes of courage I am really glad to hear you say this. :)

#13 windcuffer

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Posted 14 December 2008 - 12:42 AM

Really hope you build up the courage to speak to your therapist about this (((((Butterfly)))))

#14 PsychoticButterfly

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Posted 15 December 2008 - 07:17 AM

Damnit! My parents have caught me. They know I'm throwing up....
And they're going to call my t-doc TODAY. Ugh, I don't know, I don't wanna be stopped yet!

#15 PsychoticButterfly

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Posted 24 December 2008 - 08:56 PM

Now I have my parents AND my t-doc on my back about food... and my siblings are all " don't loose anymore weight"...
But I want to, I need to.
I'm getting fatter by the minute here.. prob gained like 3kg this week cause of all the overeating.. I hate christmas because of all the food and stuff... And having my period cause it makes me not beeing able to eat a reasonable amount of food...Well got my lepigen x-strong now and gonna start riding and working out in january...
I can't continue doing this...
I need to loose this excess weight!!
I just need to loose 25kg, then I'm fine... Then I'm (prob) satisfied..
Beeing "normalweight" is not to be slender, it's fat (according to me)...
I don't wanna get stopped, I wanna be thin...

#16 PsychoticButterfly

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Posted 08 January 2009 - 07:09 AM

Been watched all christmas have made me fat!
But now I'm gonna start loosing alot of weight again - Only dinner is superviced!:D
I hate looking like this. I have loads to loose.
And I will make it!