Posted 11 April 2008 - 12:39 PM
I have this dirty habit of binging on alcohol when I feel anxious or depressed. I am very sensitive to what people think/say and do. When they trigger me I will just indulge in drinking too much. I hate this, that I am doing this to myself. I know I can stop, but it just seems like an escape method for the time being. This happens at least once a week.
Can anyone relate? Any tips?
Posted 12 April 2008 - 01:39 AM
I can relate 100%; the most natural thing in the world to do when you are depressed or anxious is to reach for a bottle. Unfortunately it's about the least helpful thing as well. I drank heavily over a number of years "self medicating" and got to the point where I was drinking about 10 pints of beer a night. The doctors tried to get me to stop because alcohol as you may know is a depressant. When you're depressed it takes you even further down into a really dark and scary place. I did eventually stop drinking (about a year and four months ago) and overall I feel much better for it (though sometimes when I'm low there is still the temptation). I understand how it makes you feel better for a while but please take control of it now before it takes control of you because the respite it provides is short lived compared to the damage it does to your state of mind.
Try and remember before you take the drink that it is going to make you feel worse for several days after and that one day you will probably be able to enjoy a social drink, instead of it being a kind of medication. I do understand and feel for you - it is really difficult - and I hope you find an alternative to make you feel better such as meds and possibly therapy. Feel free to pm me if you want to, if you think i can be any help.
I hope this has been some help
very best wishes
Posted 12 April 2008 - 07:48 AM
Thank you so much for your wonderful reply. You are absolutely right. I did stop once for a year all together and I can remember that I felt much better. More self-esteem and calmer and healthier. I am on a very mild anti-depressant, I also know that they don't do their job well while I consume alcohol. I want to concentrate on taking on some exercise, getting out of the house some more instead of the idea that a good time involves escaping into the numbness alcohol provides. Just seems like I keep on choosing the latter. Or if something in me decides for me. It's weird. Like it's not a conscious decision I am making, it's based on my feelings and my brain just follows. Can you or anyone relate to such a thing?
Posted 13 April 2008 - 01:11 AM
Thank you for your kind words. I can totally relate to the "knee-jerk" reaction to alcohol. It just seems so natural to reach for that bottle. It does, as you say, give a very fast numbness and so respite from really painful feelings. It's a lot easier than trying to motivate yourself to exercise and live a healthy lifestyle. Anything would trigger me to drink more, I think in some ways it was a self harm as well as an escape - I knew it was bad for me, so I did it even more. I also understand that it doesn't seem like a conscious decision - your mind is in pain and it just says "give me some relief" without it being part of your rational thought patterns. It is really sneaky in how it does this and it can be a difficult fight to get rid of it. I really hope your antidepressants give you some relief - if you think the dosage is too low then it may be worth speaking to your doc about increasing it.
I wish you all the best and hope you can get yourself out the house and into some exercise (I know easier said than done)
Very best wishes
Posted 14 April 2008 - 01:16 PM
Thanks again. Had to fight super hard against the feeling yesterday. Seems like if you want to quit something or give up on something, your mind goes there the whole time. Now that I've decided to put an end to it I am thinking about it constantly. I never think about alcohol on a Monday(today) and I find myself thinking about it. It usually gets to me on a weekend. I often hear people who want to lose weight, that once they've decided it's time they are doing something about it that they start obsessing about eating and the food itself, maybe it's just a normal reaction.
I don't know, maybe I should just say that I won't drink for a week and after the week make the same decision again. I just don't know if I can keep my word to myself, because when I get that feeling it's like there is something else in me.
But for now I think, I am only strong enough to say I will not binge today.
Seems to me I am already under its spell if you ask me.
Ever since this decision, I just can't stop thinking about it. Yesterday I won. But like you said, I just want this pain to go away, even for one night. It's just all too much to take.
Anyway, I won't binge today.
Thanks for listening.
Posted 15 April 2008 - 12:46 AM
Keep at it you're doing great. I know exactly what you mean about wanting something when you're trying to give it up - trust me it does get easier. You have the answer yourself, you said that you will not binge today. That's the key - one day at a time. Each day just try to do the same and more quickly than you think you'll find you don't need the alcohol.
very best wishes