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Trying Hard Not To Self Medicate


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#1 The Demons In Me

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Posted 13 November 2007 - 01:30 PM

I'm trying really hard at the moment not to take something or drink something that will affect my mood. It's rubbish because my anxiety has been pretty high for weeks now and usually I'd just take Codeine, sleeping pills, alcohol, etc to bring me down a notch but I'm not so it's there all the time.

Last night I started feeling really depressed again and really really wanted to dive into a bottle of vodka to dumb it down a little.

I'm not even using stimulants now either to keep me "up" through the day. Just my beloved cup or 2 of coffee!

It's just me, not feeling terrible at the moment but not feeling particularly good either.

I'm not sure whether I'm going through dissociation. I'm not really finding things that much fun, even when we went to Scotland for a break I was having to rely on what I thought was an understandable reaction because I didn't "feel" that much and I didn't want to ruin it for my boyf by being indifferent. I guess it was sort of faking it. Don't get me wrong, I know in a "normal" frame of mind I would have loved it there because it's a great place, I just couldn't get that excited about anything. I had a couple of drinks while we were there but social ones, I didn't drink to improve my mood or my experiences.

Very strange this, I'd like to say I feel some sense of achievement for not having those "crutches" to get me through but I don't. I feel flat. Indifference. Nothing.

Strange!

#2 l u m i n o u s 1

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Posted 24 December 2007 - 11:25 PM

I'm trying really hard at the moment not to take something or drink something that will affect my mood. It's rubbish because my anxiety has been pretty high for weeks now and usually I'd just take Codeine, sleeping pills, alcohol, etc to bring me down a notch but I'm not so it's there all the time.

Last night I started feeling really depressed again and really really wanted to dive into a bottle of vodka to dumb it down a little.

I'm not even using stimulants now either to keep me "up" through the day. Just my beloved cup or 2 of coffee!

It's just me, not feeling terrible at the moment but not feeling particularly good either.

I'm not sure whether I'm going through dissociation. I'm not really finding things that much fun, even when we went to Scotland for a break I was having to rely on what I thought was an understandable reaction because I didn't "feel" that much and I didn't want to ruin it for my boyf by being indifferent. I guess it was sort of faking it. Don't get me wrong, I know in a "normal" frame of mind I would have loved it there because it's a great place, I just couldn't get that excited about anything. I had a couple of drinks while we were there but social ones, I didn't drink to improve my mood or my experiences.

Very strange this, I'd like to say I feel some sense of achievement for not having those "crutches" to get me through but I don't. I feel flat. Indifference. Nothing.

Strange!


I really understand what you're talking about with the constant use of something to change how you feel. I've done it for years. and it's really hard,

were in the same boat :?:

I hope this helps .

Edited by l u m i n o u s 1, 24 December 2007 - 11:26 PM.