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how in the hell did i get home?

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#1 bbaylor

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Posted 12 March 2006 - 04:37 PM

just got back from a snow covered hike to get my little truck from the bar. i have absolutely no recollection of how i got home last night. it bothers me to no end trying to remember if i tipped the cab or not? did somebody else take me home? did i walk in this crazy weather? at least i had enough sense not to drive.
anyway, hung over and flustered at my inability to stop at good enough. i dread the thought of sobering up again. alcohol is a very bad answer to depression but getting clean makes it even worse for several months. and history shows i can only do it for a year or so when i try.
i dont know what it is im trying to say. im angry with myself, i feel like shit and i need a good kick in the ass so i can carry on.


#2 verysadcat

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Posted 12 March 2006 - 05:32 PM


I am glad that you are safely home, no matter how bad you feel at the moment. I can certainly understand your feelings. I spent my 20's in a haze very similar, though I almost never had the sense to leave my car behind at the bar. I would look outside my house in the morning and there it would be and it would absolutely terrify me that I had driven all the way home with absolutely no memory of it. I used to say that my car must just know it's own way home and try to laugh about it. (sick, yes). there is no reason on God's green earth why I didnt kill myself or (worse) somebody else during those days.

my experience with alcoholism is perhaps a bit different than yours, though maybe not, because I was using it to self-medicate during some very rapidly cycling bipolar years, long before I was diagnosed.

once I began treatment for my REAL illness, I never seemed to have to struggle much with the booze because I had a new set of tools (crutches) to use.

so maybe you should wonder - is the drinking a symptom of your depression or is the depression caused by your drinking? its a strange, thin line to figure out, I know.

I wish you luck with your struggle. I know the pain (physical and mental) and self-loathing that you are feeling this morning, I really do.

take care of yourself, okay? things WILL get better.


#3 sunny

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Posted 13 March 2006 - 05:29 PM

don't kick yourself too hard.you are alive
i'm no better - just that i do it at home alone - doesn't make the memory any better!
sometimes find that when i kick myself too hard, i just go deeper down into the hole.i try to say - each day is a new one. i try...sometimes it helps..other times it doesn't.

#4 Datawolf

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Posted 05 June 2008 - 02:09 AM

I'll probably get warned or banned for saying this, but therein lies the problem with getting gassed out of your gourd. You can't remember the funny shit that happened the night before.

Here's my advice: If anyone asks you how you got home that night this is what you should say:

"Three words. Wacky. Hijinks. Ensued."

Just out of curiousity, do you have drinking buddies you go out with? Perhaps you can tell them you want to cut back and ask them (or the bartender) to cut you off when you've had too much?

#5 copingwitlife

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Posted 15 October 2008 - 01:05 PM

Just out of curiousity, do you have drinking buddies you go out with? Perhaps you can tell them you want to cut back and ask them (or the bartender) to cut you off when you've had too much?

isnt it a law( or is it just where I live..) that if someone is drunk, it is illegal for the bartender to serve them anymore?

#6 Sunshineinmyface


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Posted 15 October 2008 - 07:44 PM

It is some places, however, proving which bartender it was or what the definition of "intoxicated," how do you tell they are (everyone is different) and it is a civil suit, which are quite expensive, takes a long time, and it is most often a flip of the coin with the jury. Only worth the gamble if someone is killed as a result of the blood alcohol level (over legal limit). Then the family of the victim sues the driver, and driver sues bar for participation in the intoxication when they have a duty to not contribute when intoxication is clear. Here it is called a Dramshop case, because of historical reasons.

I will add this: we have had several college kids go out drinking at a dorm party and come home to dump a wasted friend on a bed, to find them dead the next morning from alcohol poisoning. Every year the police had a seminar where they drank and got a reading on the hand held pre-test evaluator and most were quite surprised at the small number of drinks it took to reach 1.0 % alcohol, now our limit is.8%. I am thinking it would be really nice if the public safety department would put on workshops like this for groups and everyone sign a waiver of libility of course as a condition to attend.