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addicted to someone??


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#1 snwgrl77

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Posted 08 February 2006 - 04:50 PM

I read through a lot of posts in this section before deciding to post mine, and I'm still not quite sure if I should even be posting, maybe I'm losing my mind...I don't know.

But...

Does anyone here think that it's possible to be addicted to someone? I've been dating the same guy for about 6 months now, and as up and down as our relationship is, you'd think I'd just say to hell with it and move on. There are times when I've totally had it with him and I'm ready to just end it, but when I try to, he somehow manages to get me to think that I need him, and I need to be with him. The current state we're at now is "me getting myself better, and him waiting for me...and when things are well with me then we can get back to the relationship." Sounds a bit ridiculous huh? Maybe I'm just thinking too much of it and rambling...I don't know, but I've been thinking a lot about this, have wanted to post for a good while now, just wasn't sure how to put it. I know how addictions work, you're hooked on something, not sure why, not sure how to get rid of it, but you know that it's bad for you. I'm just so attached to him...I don't know if it's him doing it, or it's just my crazy ass doing it to myself, but I can't seem to pull myself away from him, even if we are just doing the whole "I get myself well and deal w/ the relationship later"...I JUST can't let him go.

Am I totally nuts? Has someone else dealt with this? ANY suggestions would be helpful...

#2 amber_bamber

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Posted 08 February 2006 - 05:28 PM

NOt sure if you can get addicted to someone but you can certainly become addicted to certain behaviours...usually bad ones imho...

Most ppl here know the situation about my previous love *c*...our relationship was on/off for 2yrs...I put up with tons of crap from her...including her being married and saying she would leave him etc etc and it never happening...she would hurt me deeply and screw with my head...yet still I would sit around waiting for her to visit or even come online to chat with me...it felt like an addiction in many ways...and it certainly messed my head up like one does...fortunately I realized what was happening and opened my eyes to the wonderful woman who had been beside me all the way through that time and realized my feelings for her ran very very deep and in time turned to love and I have been mainly happily in love with her for a yr and a half now..so we can change...

dunno if that waffle helps...just wanted you to know that someone kinda understands what you mean...and I hope it works out in time...for you both!

amber

#3 Ed the chow hound

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Posted 09 February 2006 - 08:46 AM

Hi,

Just a few thoughts on your posts for what they may be worth.

I once had a relationship something like the one you good people describe and I often think about the dynamics of it as I have never had another one like it again.

First my thoughts on addiction and I have no professional qualifications in this area so I could be dead wrong.

To me addictions is a reaction to a chemical substance rather than a person, place or event. But having said that a person could become addicted to the changes in their own BRAIN CHEMISTRY that occur when in the company of another person, in certain situations or in certain places.

I think men often get addicted to a sex partner because of the chemistry of orgasm which pours endorphins into the blood stream and makes them feel euphoric and immune to average levels of pain. Not being female I wont comment on womens experience because I dont know exactly how women feel and I would be guessing.

Now there is the issue of psychological dependency which is not the same as addiction this is more of an emotional effect rather than a simple chemical effect. Although all emotions are chemically based so where do we draw the limits?

Then there is habit, in long term emotional relationship habit becomes a powerful part of the relationship a sort of roiutine we go through and if it is missing we feel out of wack and disconnected. I think this is so for all people we are slaves of habit.

Well the chow hound is off to dinner, I hope I have been of some help.

love you guys
Ed

#4 Meredith

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Posted 16 February 2006 - 01:28 AM

I've been in the same situation. I just call it obsession or infatuation.
In my case, it was never healthy. Lust only brings bad news.
Unrequited love never usually has a happy ending.
I've learned to accept average or frumpy men who are obviously interested in me instead of chasing gorgeous blokes who'd never give me the time of day.

#5 Lykke

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Posted 05 March 2006 - 09:46 AM

I was in the same situation. I wondered for so long, what was going on with me, because I so knew, that this relationship was exhausting for me, but I just couldnīt let go....

Here is one option, why you might feel like you do.... I canīt tell, if this is exactly your case, but here it goes and you could think about it....

Itīs called "betrayal bond". The basic concept is, that the person can treat you really nice, then on and off can also treat you really bad, neglectful, disrespectful etc...With no apparent reason... Then again nice and with love and then bad again.... It makes you all confused, because you donīt understand it.... You think, the person must love you, īcause of the loving treatment.... So when the person is treating you bad again, you think it might be your fault, īcause what else could make it to switch it..... The really nice treatment make you with time really clingy to this person, because you hope for more of it... After some time there is this strange bond created between you and him/her... You feel, like you canīt live without him/her....

Even if you find the power to leave this person, itīs difficult afterwards, because after some time you really kind of remember only the nice times, you were having together..... So that often makes you get back together and it could be great for some time again, but then he/she becomes the same as before, bad and nice, bad and nice, vicious circle....

Such a relationship can be really confusing and devastating for oneīs self-confidence.

If you think, it could, read more about a mental abuse. Abusers are really good at convincing you, that you are the one, who is hurting them (even if itīs opposite), they can come up with explanation, that always sounds somewhat logical. They can even inspire you to appologize to them for something, thatīs not your fault..... So soon you might find yourself acting, like itīs not you....

But as Iīve said before, I donīt know, if it could be your case...

Good luck

#6 sofarsogood

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Posted 06 March 2006 - 08:30 PM

Snowgirl, I don't know if one can be addicted to a person. I think one can be addicted to the feelings we get from a person, especially if the other person reinforces them just often enough to keep us on the hook.

Sorry I can't be of better help :-)

Mary

#7 crazyDimples

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Posted 15 March 2006 - 02:10 AM

snowgrl,
i know the feeling... i've only been in love once and i was deeply in love... we've been offically broken up for about three months now and there isn't a day i don't wake up and immediately think about him, and then a hundred more times throughout the day. I never wanted to say that i was "addicted" to him because that just makes me feel like a stalker, but in a way i think i'm addicted to how he made me feel. He was never bad to me, always good. But, i did notice towards the end of our relationship, when i was becoming more and more depressed, that the dynamics of our relationship wasn't the same. Still, i blame myself... if only i could have stayed the same he would still love me and we would be together, if only... i think a big part of why i'm so down is because i don't think i'll ever find a love like that again... So, don't beat yourself up about it. Love can do funny things to a girl.

#8 canuck

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Posted 08 April 2006 - 03:55 AM

Snwgrl

Like most of the other replies I'm not sure that we can be addicted to another person. But as someone going through the same sort of situation I do know that the feelings can be as bad as withdrawl from an addiction. Hang in there and just remember that in the end it's your happiness that matters most.

#9 NJCat

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Posted 08 April 2006 - 06:48 PM

snwgrl-

Your post sounds exactly how I felt in a relationship a long, long time ago.

At the time I was getting depressed but didnt' quite know it yet. I found myself "addicted" to my boyfriend of the time, or at least obsessing about him and the relationship and wondering if it played a part in my depression at all .... was I depressed because of the relationship? Or .. what would happen if he left while I was depressed?
As I got more and more depressed I felt, also, like I was "addicted" to him or at least couldn't pull through without him.
I was in the same situation, he'd stick around till I get better, and then we'll see what happens in the relationship after I was well.

Turns out, (now this is ME, not necessarily you) that the depression played a LARGE part in how I felt about him. You know how depression makes us feel ... alone but not wanting to be with people, guilty, overwhelmed, and we are hard on ourselves, and our feelings for others are "numb"
In my situation, looking back at it, I think I felt guilty that the relationship was affected by my depression, and I felt some kind of obligation to keep the relationship intact .......... (an obligation that made my depression worse, actually) .... I would have felt horrible if the relationship fell apart due to my depression, while not even realizing how I felt about this person because of the "numbness".
Turns out we did break up (I did the breaking up when I was depressed), got back together after I did get better, then broke up again.

I guess my point (I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make this about ME) is that I think I know how you feel.

The good news is, me and that long-ago-boyfriend are good long-distance friends to this day (it's ... 17 years later) because of what we went through together.