Posted 29 January 2006 - 10:29 PM
I found that term in a study on one of my bipolar sites. it is so perfectly the way I feel that I thought I'd pass it along and see if anyone else feels this or understands it.
I was trying to explain this feeling to my case manager last month so he could pass it on to my pdoc and see about new meds. and he just stared at me like I was speaking Martian or something.
I'm just as down in the pit as I can get, yet I feel very anxious and jittery. you would think it would give me energy but it does the opposite - just sucks the life right out of me.
I fidget and feel like I need to but can't get out of my own skin. it's just an overall itchiness inside that lies beneath the layer of depression somehow. I don't know, I have a hell of a time turning feelings into words these days. sometimes I can't even turn words into words.
so if anyone understands my babbling, please let me know. it may help to know that I'm not losing ALL of my marbles.
Di the Martian
Posted 29 January 2006 - 10:43 PM
as for the fidgeting i do that to right
sorry i'm prob not being of much help
Posted 29 January 2006 - 10:47 PM
If you are out of your meds, no wonder these feelings are exasperated!
I understood your words perfectly. Maybe he/she is a Martian!
Sometimes it makes me wonder where the heck these people get their training. I have come to the conclusion that if they have never experienced our feelings, then they really have no clue. :?
Posted 29 January 2006 - 11:12 PM
I think I know what you mean. When I was working in the field...long ago, it used to be termed "agitated depression," and at least where I worked it was taken quite seriously and considered quite dangerous since one had the energy to actually do something destructive and was often impulsive. I'm sorry that your case manager wasn't more understanding. When you do have a chance to speak with your pdoc, I hope you bring the topic up with him/her.
Posted 30 January 2006 - 04:27 AM
No words of advice really, just letting you know that someone else has been there too...and I agree with Bacchus, in saying that it IS sometimes dangerous. While I was feeling like that, I cut a LOT; impulsively...it does give you a lot of energy, but sometimes its focused on the wrong thing.
Please be careful and take care of yourself!
Posted 30 January 2006 - 09:50 AM
That is almost exactly what I was feeling a couple months ago. Although I didn't have the energy to really do alot, I felt like I wanted to rip my skin off and I was forever moving my legs and arms. Alcohol seems to take care of that feeling. I finally mentioned it to the Pdoc and he prescribed an anti-anxiety med along with the anti-depressant and mood stabilizer. I am still up and down emotionally, but that over excited, agitated feeling is gone. You are not alone! If those symptoms make you an alien then, BEAM ME UP SCOTTY!!! I am one too!!!
Posted 30 January 2006 - 10:52 AM
No fear, I know exactly what you're talking about. I identify this "excited depression" as occurring most often when I'm in my private little phase 4 (dysfunctional, not OK). I am visited by a frantic urge to do something, anything, just lots of things, but I can't do them at all. The harder you try, the more agitated you get; the more agitated you get, the more painful you feel. It's incredibly draining, as if you were a plane and someone had pumped you full of kerosene and then deliberately left you to sit in a hangar for months. Or made you to snort cocaine and then locked you up into an empty room. In any case, you can rest assured that all your marbles are firmly where they belong!
You have been going through an awful time lately, dearest Di, and I wish I could help you more. Stay safe and stay with us.
With my deepest wishes for your recovery,
Posted 30 January 2006 - 01:30 PM
to try and expel some of the excess energy I think... before I started on the meds again I was getting so agitated I felt like I was on the verge of doing something terrible like dance on the desk in from of everyone at work its a strange felling. Kind of like a boiling kettle with no release for the steam.
Sometimes I fell in a strange manic state where Iím unusually hyper and happy but not happy in a normal balanced way. Not sure what this means but if the meds donít do anything in a couple of months its off to see the Psychologist.... Joy of Joys!
Posted 30 January 2006 - 02:25 PM
Your words make perfect sense to me. I remember this feeling far too well, and how intensely unpleasant it is. Heck, I still get this now when I am very upset/angry (both mostly).
So, if you are a martian, so am I!
Posted 30 January 2006 - 04:19 PM
I'm not sure if anxiety-depression is the same as excited-depression. In any case it's what I suffer from. A great deal of dread. And jumpiness. Just getting out of the house can be unnerving. And, of course, it leaves me exhausted.
Wish I could say something positive. But to tell the truth my own fear is that this state could reach the point at which it paralyzes. What happens when you can't take care of yourself, at the most basic level? This is what preys on my mind.
Posted 30 January 2006 - 07:37 PM
Posted 31 January 2006 - 03:35 AM
I relate to that totally!!!!!!!!!!! Been there done that many times and meds work for that.
Keep on that case worker and pdoc for appt you needed one yesterday.
If not soon....give me the numbers and I will get you in there cause they will get sick and tired of me giving them headaches and the only way to stop that would be for them to get you an appt asap. Buracracy has so many soft weak points that when pushed you can get what you want it is fun to find them.
Posted 31 January 2006 - 07:25 PM
agitated depression is how my DH described his feelings a lot of the time. Excited depression sounds a lot like that.