I am 51 now, and it has been more than 10 years since I was in a relationship with a woman. I tried a few years back to go on dates, but I didn't seem to know what to do. The one date didn't even end in a handshake. And the other I just chickened out and cancelled.
I guess I've just gotten into a rut where loneliness is the norm, and I can't even imagine being with someone. Which would be fine if I could just accept it and enjoy my life, but it's like I can't get started on art projects and things I used to love. I'm half-assing my way through life as if a piece of me is missing. Sounds odd, but it's like if I can't attract a woman, even if I don't want to be with one, I'm completely worthless.
I want my curiosity back, my art, my life. It's not that I don't enjoy some things; there are still moments that touch my heart. Is it wrong to wish I could inspire that in someone else?