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Recovering self esteem after emotional affair

self esteem advice

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#1 NoodleWords

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Posted 12 August 2013 - 05:35 PM

My boyfriend of four years recently admitted to having an emotional affair with a girl who I recently found out was interested in him. It's a very long story. Suffice to say that since I found out, he has cut off all ties with her and has been dedicated to fixing out recently rocky relationship. Everything has been going really well for the most part, actually.


The problem is that since I'd learned that they had been flirting and whatnot, my self esteem has been really low. I know he's cut off contact with her and things are going so much better, but I can't stop thinking about it. No matter how much he reassures me, I feel undesirable, unattractive, and uninteresting. I keep asking myself what's wrong with me and what makes her better than me. It's bad enough that my depression already makes me wonder these things, but the whole scenario has made it even worse and lately I feel like hurting myself because of it.


I've always been kind of obsessive. And I know that if I keep dwelling on it it's going to ruin my relationship. But I just can't stop feeling really hurt and like I'm not good enough.


Any advice of how to move on or ways to feel better about myself?

#2 KylieJane

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Posted 17 August 2013 - 10:37 PM

We can't help our feelings.  I've had emotional affairs with guys I couldn't have while I dated other people who would actually go out with me. 

All you can do is accept the fact that he's not perfect and at least he had the guts to be honest with you.  There's that old saying "love the one you're with." 

Love is a verb, not just a noun.  You have to work at it.    We're all human.  No one's perfect. 

A psychologist once said that it goes against human nature or biological instincts to expect people to be monogamous all the time, especially men. 

I guess as long as he didn't actually sleep with her, then technically he wasn't unfaithful.  

Beautiful women like Elin Nordegren and Jennifer Aniston have been cheated on.  It could happen to anyone.

It's not you, it's him.  Don't beat yourself up.  I don't know if this helped.  Just speaking from experience--mine and other people's. 

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