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Is it me, am I the root of my problems or was I treated unfairly

bullying Scriptophobia anxiety undermining triggers depression regret looping

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#1 Old_Recluse

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Posted 12 August 2017 - 06:13 PM

Hi there, I'm new to the forum. This isn't entirely true cause I've had this account for a year or more. I just wasn't sure how I should proceed or introduce myself. 

I need help. 

 

When I was 20, I finished college early, got my certification and consequently got a job at a big company as a software engineer. I've always struggled with depression and especially anxiety. Shakes, morning sadness, panic attacks...etc. 

It seemed that not everyone was happy that I got a new job, particularly my brother and his then  girlfriend and now wife. She's always tried to undermine me. When I got a higher paying job than her. Going as far as telling me my signature was shit and spreading rumours that I could not write. She undermined me to her children. They don't respect. She constantly called me stupid to whoever was listening. I developed scryptophobia where I was scared of writing by hand and I avoided even signing my name. This woman, who never even went to college and barely graduated highschool, who can barely form proper English sentences called me stupid. I know that education isn't a true measure of intelligence but is it me. Maybe I am completely stupid?

My self esteem got so low that I eventually quit my job and became a shut in. I've been freelancing here and there but I can barely hold onto a job without quitting within a month. 

I'm sorry if this post seems disjointed and apologize if it's hard to read because of any grammatical errors or skipped words. But it's hard reliving those painful memories. It feels like PTSD. I have nightmares about her deriding me. Talking shit about me. Poisoning the well. It feeds my depression, self loathing and anxiety. I don't know why she did that. Was I really that stupid? Was I deserving of the way she treat me? And what does bullying do? It doesn't better me? What was her motives? 

I don't understand at all. Even if I can't write or sign? Or cook a meal to save my life, what does it have to do with her? 



#2 Bacchus

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Posted 13 August 2017 - 06:07 AM

Old Recluse,

 

It certainly does not seem that you're stupid, and it certainly does seem that your sister-in-law contributed greatly to your current problems through her attacks on you.  I can't explain her behavior, but I hope you seek help to deal with the consequences of her abuse.   

 

You certainly don't deserve to be abused by her.  Her motives...I don't know, but sadly some people seem to derive pleasure or a sense of power from undermining others.  I hope you can find help for your depression and that you can avoid contact with your sister-in-law who seems a very toxic person.

 

Take care,

Bacchus



#3 Joyce

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Posted 23 September 2017 - 02:48 PM

Old Recluse,

 

It is apparent from your well-thought-out post that you are an intelligent man.  I am so sorry you have struggled with depression and anxiety, and more so since your sister-in-law's bullying attacks on you.  I also don't know her motives except to say she is not an intelligent person, to say the least, but must feel inferior to you and that's why she is attacking you, trying to make herself appear better than you.

 

I agree with Bacchus.  Do talk to a therapist (if you haven't already), about your feelings and increased depression, anxiety, and now PTSD due to your ignorant sister-in-law. 

 

Have confidence in yourself, and don't let her drag you down any further!

 

All my best,

Joyce


Edited by Joyce, 23 September 2017 - 02:49 PM.




Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: bullying, Scriptophobia, anxiety, undermining, triggers, depression, regret, looping