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comfort? triggers


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#1 Kaktus

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Posted 10 May 2012 - 04:03 AM

Lost it over what most people would consider to be nothing....and the first place I turn to'cope' is to the single-edged razor blades in my bathroom.
Hubby had been so kind....so attentive and loving. Then a bit ago, he called and he would speak and I would give feedback and twice, the freaking call cut out so he couldn't hear me and he became annoyed with me because all he heard was pauses...so his'good night' was abrupt...and that was all it took...I crashed right off my happy high.
I am hating life right now...all over something so stupid. Thanks for listening...

#2 Chaos

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Posted 10 May 2012 - 04:31 PM

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I understand about the cutting. I hope you are feeling better by now. Please keep posting if it helps.

Sending you a big hug,
Chaos

#3 Kaktus

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Posted 21 May 2012 - 05:30 AM

Thank you Chaos. It seems lately that it's just the solution to everything....i appreciate you're listening to me



#4 listener

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Posted 21 May 2012 - 06:32 AM

((((((((((( Kaktus )))))))))))

Just wanted to let you know I've been thinking of you too. I read one of your other posts a while ago and I just really felt for you, I was in the midst of my own crisis at the time with some relationship issues of my own, and I didn't end up replying... But I could relate to a few of the themes you were talking about, and my heart went out to you.

I know it's so hard when everything seems wrong and you feel helpless, and you just turn to the same old coping mechanism - whether it be razor blades or alcohol or overeating or giving up on everything and lying in bed while the world crumbles... It's hard to do anything else when you're under that kind of stress.

I don't know if you're in the mood for suggestions/advice, and please forgive me and ignore this if not *hug*, but... I've had a lot of not-so-pleasant behaviours and habits that I tended to use when upset - smoking, overeating, and other things that are probably less acceptable than those two... :blush: And I think what I've tried to do in the end is to gradually develop 'positive addictions' to things that don't harm me, and maybe even help nurture me in some way. But I use them in much the same way as I did the old destructive things. They just give me a boost without causing damage. I used to like hitting walls, I don't know, it must be a similar thing to cutting - the pain gives you some kind of a good feeling for a second, and it does give you a sense of comfort, until a little while later when you feel horrible again and ashamed of it... Now I try to find things that I like that are comforting but not harmful, and then I try to train myself into the habit of turning to them when I'm feeling lousy. Posting here helps, just talking it through and getting it out. The thing that's helped me a lot lately is playing the piano. And sometimes I sing, too. I find songs that really suit my mood and where people have shared similar sentiments to the ones I've been going through, and I sing, and sometimes I find myself starting to cry as I'm singing or playing... And oh my god it hurts then and I can feel so excruciatingly sad and alone. But it's good. It's kind of cleansing. Just kind of sitting with the feelings and letting them go through you. And it's sort of like, accepting and honouring the grief or pain or angst that I'm going through. Maybe when we do the 'destructive' things, it's like we're trying to punish ourselves or kill off those difficult feelings. But when we do other things that aren't punishing or cruel to ourselves, it's more about allowing the stress to flow out, allowing the emotions to just crash down full bore like a thunderstorm but just to stand in it and know that even if it's kind of scary and uncomfortable at the time, it's also natural and part of being alive, and it will come to an end.

Just some rambling thoughts anyway. ((((((( Kaktus )))))) Please keep sharing if it helps. I'll be keeping an eye out for you. :bighug:


Listener

Edited by listener, 21 May 2012 - 06:46 AM.


#5 Kaktus

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Posted 29 May 2012 - 07:25 PM

Thank you so much Listener, for that good advice. Never really thought about trying to find something GOOD..There has to be something I can do. Can't really get on the piano because my fat-ass stepson is always in the living room watching TV....but there HAS to be SOMETHING. <3 Thank you.

#6 Ed the chow hound

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Posted 21 June 2012 - 11:33 PM

Kaktus,

No advice from me just a post to say I am proud to have you as a fellow BTBer.

love ya always

Ed the chow hound

#7 Charlene

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Posted 09 August 2014 - 08:55 PM

Listener-

 

What a good thing that you have found a way to make something so negative into a positive- great suggestion for us all!