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Retracing Scars


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#1 Apple Blossom

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 06:31 PM

I carved some terrible words into my stomach a while back. I would carve, cut, and in some extreme cases, burn myself. I thought I had the whole 'hurting yourself' thing under control, and would just let the scars heal up. Just recently, I had a pretty bad relapse. I took the sharpest blade in the house, and retraced the word 'FATTY' that was just beginning to disappear across my stomach. I was so enraged, I revisited all of my former techniques that I never thought I'd use ever again. I would cut, then rub dirt or salt into the wound and then bind it all up so it would be painfull for a long time. I carved things into my skin as a living note to myself. I would see it every day, in big letters, and know that I had to work on what was there, in this case, my weight. Now, going off to college where I'll have a roommate to change in front of, I feel ashamed that I lapsed, and feel so nervous that the scar won't heal in time. What if someone notices? How do I respond to 'why do you have a ton of scars all over?' I don't seem to know how to overcome this dilemma. I'm scared someone will find out, and broadcast my problem across campus. What should I do???

Apple :(

Edited by Apple Blossom, 10 June 2010 - 06:34 PM.


#2 winter

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Posted 11 June 2010 - 02:22 AM

Hugs mate, been there myself. All you can do is tell the truth and lie. Yes i know that makes no sence. what i mean to say is lie about when it happened and why it happened. Dont feel ashamed, just learn from it. know that you cant stand to see it now. 'oh that? you wouldnt believe me if i told you' said apple blossem. End of the question.

or course you could be honest. i used to self harm and it just is taking a while to heal up, mine you i dont do it now, i have learnt from it.

Or keep it bandaged. oh that, i have an odd wound, seeing the doctor, he wants me to keep it covered for a while.

Oh course for you its difficult due to having words. So falling into a bunch of brambles wont be an excuse for you.

The best thing to do is not to worry about it till it happens, which for all you know may not happen. maybe you could be shy about getting dressed in front of people.
Keep us up dated with it ok AND dont do it again. I know i am a hypocript, but pleased dont ok> or grumpy old winter will sulk

#3 Sunshineinmyface

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Posted 11 June 2010 - 03:40 AM

From what you say it sounds like the wounds are still not healed. Please go to a doctor so they can help get you on the right meds and techniques for good healing and minimal scaring.

Hey you know it is done and all you can do now is try to minimize the sores and your embarrassment. It seems pretty standard to be shy read discrete when changing cloths with a mate in the room. Remember they are interested in what they are doing primarily so most often will be preoccupied with that.

I agree with Winter - the less said the better - if there is an inquiry about a scar someone sees.

hugs,
Sunshine

#4 pita

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Posted 14 June 2010 - 02:09 PM

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I hide my scars from my children.

I am so sorry that you have felt so much pain.

-pita

#5 drgnfly

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Posted 16 June 2010 - 12:52 AM

Apple dear, I'm so sorry you've felt you had to write such demeaning words on your body. I am sending you big hugs and I hope you are seeking help for this behavior. As for hiding the scars, I agree that shy is the way to go. Otherwise, I really like Winter's "You wouldn't believe me if I told you". People are cruel, and if you tell your roommate the truth, you could possibly have to face the rumors as it spreads across campus. Of course, if you and your roommate become close friends, you may feel comfortable confiding at that point. But it's your personal story that's really best kept between you and those you trust.

Best of luck

Sabrina

#6 Apple Blossom

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Posted 27 June 2010 - 04:51 AM

Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I do believe I'll put some of it to use (so no sulking, Winter :) ). As for an update... I haven't cut/carved in quite a while, a good number of months, and am currently working on helping my friend on the path to recovery allso. I haven't seen a doctor, I've been using natural oils to minimize scarring, and am seeking help at my new school. Hopefully this is something I (and you all) can overcome someday. I've procured a few tricks that have helped in my roommates not noticing (like wearing one-piece bathingsuits and undergarments, wearing bandages/ those 'tummy tucker' things, changing in a corner facing the wall, etc.) and am hoping for the best!

Still fighting,
Apple :bighug: