Hello BtB'ers old and new!
Suddenly struck me that I have posted recently in several threads of old returning members and asked for an update when they have the time..... and I haven't done any kind of update myself in at least a year.....
Well, the good news is that on the depression front things are going ok with me. That is not to say that I never feel down, and once or twice I have felt I have 'slipped' a bit, but I now recognize what is going on much more quickly, and take the kind of action that I need to try to stop the slide. In my case this is often to do with taking on too much or not feeling in control and I have to pull myself up short and put some life rules in place for myself. Usually to do with healthy eating and drinking, exercise, making lists, organizing myself and generally being disciplined with myself. If I let it go too far I know from experience that I won't manage to get these things into place, so I need to act early!
I finally went back to study part time with the Open University in October. I had tried to return earlier, but had to give up due to dire concentration problems - looking back I still wasn't ready and tried to push myself too hard. Having to give up, or, as I saw it, 'failing' sent me into another spiral at the time (a few years ago now), and I was super-scared that the same thing might happen again. I am glad to say this time round the study has gone well, and in June I take my final exam. I have enjoyed it so much I am even considering going further atm.
Also last Autumn I actually went and got myself tested for ADHD. I had long suspected that I had the inattentive variety, but had more or less decided that I could get by without getting any special help. What finally happened was that my daughter got into a lot of problems with her study due to the same kind of symptoms as I have - inability to organise, problems with time and deadlines, concentration problems, procrastination etc. I had her read some webpages about ADHD and I suggested to her that she got herself dx'd... but then it hardly seemed fair to expect her to deal with it when I hadn't.... so we both went along and started the process of being tested. Finally we both got the ADHD dx.
Once dx'd I started trying meds. First of all Ritalin, followed by Concerta, both of which did nothing for me. A short spell on dextro-amphetamine followed which again did nothing except when the dose got high enough it gave me physical symptoms - my toe-tapping and fiddling with pens reached ridiculous proportions and I was unable to sit still. I have been taking Strattera for about 10 weeks now, at a steadily increasing dose, but finally having reached the maximum all it has resulted in has been nausea, leg cramps, an emotional rollercoaster and a raging thirst. I am now reducing my dose and hope to be off it totally in a couple of weeks.
However, along with trying the meds I have luckily been seeing a good T who specialises in ADHD and he has been helping me to organise myself better and talking through some of the problems I have with 'shoulds' and 'musts' in my life. He suggested I made a poster and stuck it up on the wall saying 'Fuck the Rules!' .... I like his way of thinking!
Along with seeing the T I have also been following something that is called Rational Emotive Behaviour Training in a small group of 5 people who also have a ADHD dx which is run by 2 T's. I have found it very useful, although sometimes very painful to do, as it is based on searching for underlying thoughts and trying to follow them through. The idea behind it is that as an ADHDer we tend to get (or got as children) a lot of negative criticism on which we base our world view, often leading to low self-esteem, over sensitivity, depression, etc. This is still a work in progress as far as I am concerned, but I am getting there.
In fact just getting the ADHD dx released me to accept who I am much better. It helped to give me the confidence to give up my job I have been doing for the last 10 years and decide to go freelance, which I am working on setting up atm. I am very happy I finally did it.
OMG, sorry to have run on so long. Just a lot to update!
love to you all
Finally an update!
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