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I did it. I purged again.


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#1 The Demons In Me

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Posted 06 October 2007 - 01:10 PM

Thats all really. I purged. I haven't gone to that extent for a long time.

I'd eaten too much though.

I feel like I've fell off the wagon, I stopped purging months ago because I know how bad it is for me- and my teeth. It got really hard to hide too, but today I'm in on my own all day so thats not been a problem.

Somehow, at the same time as all that, it feels really good too. I'm cleansed. Empty. At peace. I'd almost forgotten how that felt.

I might purge somemore, just this once. Then I'll stop again.

#2 kewy13

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Posted 08 October 2007 - 05:32 AM

how long has it been since you purged last? what was it that helped you stop? my problem is binging. i would probably purge, but when i was pregnant with my daughter i was nauseated 24/7 and threw up every hour or so. so even though i cant bring myself to do it, i certainly understand the desire.

take solace in the fact that you have a history of success with not purging. it sounds like you may have gone some time without. and any habitual behavior like this is soooo hard to kick!

i hope you can find some way to avoid it. when you start doing something addictive (is it an addictive behavior? my binging is) again it is so intensely hard to quit. i know if i had one drag off of a cigarette i would be hooked again. so please take care of yourself. you deserve to be healthy.

xoxo
kewy

Edited by kewy13, 08 October 2007 - 05:57 AM.


#3 The Demons In Me

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Posted 09 October 2007 - 10:55 AM

how long has it been since you purged last? what was it that helped you stop? my problem is binging. i would probably purge, but when i was pregnant with my daughter i was nauseated 24/7 and threw up every hour or so. so even though i cant bring myself to do it, i certainly understand the desire.

take solace in the fact that you have a history of success with not purging. it sounds like you may have gone some time without. and any habitual behavior like this is soooo hard to kick!

i hope you can find some way to avoid it. when you start doing something addictive (is it an addictive behavior? my binging is) again it is so intensely hard to quit. i know if i had one drag off of a cigarette i would be hooked again. so please take care of yourself. you deserve to be healthy.

xoxo
kewy


Thank you! You're a very kind person for saying something like that.

It's been months since I purged last, don't know exactly. I've managed not to repeat it since the other day but I've thought about it a lot. I binge too much too- go through phases of binging then restricting- then binging again. I've lost over 25% of my body weight in the last year by being so fucked up. Don't get me wrong, I like it! But I just don't know where to stop now. I can't always handle the changes that have happened to my body, and as soon as I do come to terms with them its time to start shrinking again. Its strange because I went for literally months with only 200-300 cals a day- then from that I go to stuffing my face constantly! I don't get it! I really fear the fat old me coming back, I know I couldn't handle that. But I can't do the healthy eating thing because there is no middle ground- as with everything else in my head I suppose! Lol!

#4 Ashten

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Posted 07 November 2007 - 10:07 PM

Hi Demons,

I've been there. Purging is addictive, and even though it's bad for you, it feels so good. Keep trying to quit. It sounds like you've had much success, and quitting isn't easy.

Remember, just because you stumble, doesn't mean you can't continue walking.

Wish i had more to say.

Love
Ashley