Jump to content


Photo

Scared of men


  • Please log in to reply
11 replies to this topic

#1 BubbleGonePop

BubbleGonePop
  • Members
  • 38 posts
  • Flag:
  • Gender:Female

Posted 26 December 2010 - 07:28 AM

It's like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't sometimes. I'm so lonely being on my own at times I actually miss him and the good times we had together, only natural I guess. But as soon as I get close to another man I run away as if it's all going to happen to me again. I know he still loves me I spoke to someone over Christmas who knows him and says he's been a mess since I left. I'm still scared of him though, he knows me so well he knows how to get to me so easily. I can't go back to all of that but it's so hard coping on my own.

#2 punisher

punisher
  • Members
  • 274 posts
  • Flag:
  • Gender:Male

Posted 26 December 2010 - 01:35 PM

exposure therapee,

little bit at a time..

i ca ttake my own advice buy i guess i can give it,

everybodys different, some are bad, soem are good, some ar ejust right. men, women, even dogs and cats...

#3 BubbleGonePop

BubbleGonePop
  • Members
  • 38 posts
  • Flag:
  • Gender:Female

Posted 27 December 2010 - 01:53 AM

But how am I going to know which is which without getting hurt? All I seem to attract are guys who only want me for one thing and whilst that's fun, it's not what I'm looking for. Not that I want a relationship either, more of a companion I guess, someone to just spend time with and talk to, go on picnics and walks with. And no I don't really have close friends to do that with because I was never allowed to get close to anyone. But then again now I'm scared to get close. Catch 22! :??

#4 punisher

punisher
  • Members
  • 274 posts
  • Flag:
  • Gender:Male

Posted 27 December 2010 - 05:59 AM

perhaps take up a hobbie that involves a group of ppl to interact more, find friends,

somebody once told me, that the best relationships start off as friends..

but i dono, who am i kidding, ive had 1 girlfriend, who i married and it was crap from the begining...

#5 BubbleGonePop

BubbleGonePop
  • Members
  • 38 posts
  • Flag:
  • Gender:Female

Posted 27 December 2010 - 11:16 AM

If it was crap then why get married? There must have been some good times? Sometimes I wish I could go back to the beginning when I met my ex, but knowing what I know now, and see what happens.

#6 punisher

punisher
  • Members
  • 274 posts
  • Flag:
  • Gender:Male

Posted 28 December 2010 - 09:02 AM

i dono really, it was all a case of me doing things to make somebody else happy and doing as im told

#7 Ed the chow hound

Ed the chow hound
  • Members
  • 6,338 posts
  • Flag:
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:BRISBANE AUSTRALIA
  • Interests:depression support, food, friends, dogs, astrology, physics, cosmology, history,

Posted 30 December 2010 - 04:23 PM

Guys,

In regards to having been bitten by the opposite sex, next time around see that love is both constructive and destructive by its very nature.

Dont expect people to be what they are not and form realistic expectations of people. It is said god created man a little lower than the angles and the same goes for women too. I think realism is the key to good judgement in all things.

Try to see people for what they are and not what you want them to be. Know your own basic requirements and dont settle for less. Try to trade people equal rather than optimizing the relationship for either of you.

hugs

Ed the chow hound

Edited by Ed the chow hound, 02 January 2011 - 12:14 PM.


#8 KylieJane

KylieJane
  • Members
  • 1,017 posts
  • Flag:
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:District 12

Posted 26 March 2011 - 09:45 PM

I can empathize. I did not have any good male role models when I was growing up and I had a lot of verbally abusive BFs. Recently I was assaulted by an aggressive panhandler who used profanity and called me numerous misogynist names. Nevertheless, I still think that it's not fair to hate a whole group of people because of the actions of a few. Like the others said, maybe therapy is a solution. Depends on the person.

#9 RWigram

RWigram
  • Members
  • 1,435 posts
  • Flag:
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Massachusetts, USA
  • Interests:Scrabble-History-Reading-Baseball-Football

Posted 26 March 2011 - 10:52 PM

All I seem to attract are guys who only want me for one thing

I can't imagine how horrible that must be. How do you go on?

#10 drgnfly

drgnfly
  • Members
  • 901 posts
  • Flag:
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:midwest USA
  • Interests:Art, Books, Sleeping

Posted 26 May 2011 - 12:38 PM

Just try to remember that not all men are the same. My ex-husband was verbally abusive and is now in prison for molesting two children. I can't stress this enough.. therapy, therapy, therapy. I'm married to a wonderful hubby now, but even after being together for 10 years I still find that I have a lot of trust issues. Thank god he is patient and puts up with me. I suspect I'll be in therapy forever, but it does help. Don't rush into anything with anyone. You don't need a man. Sometimes it's great just to find that you can be by yourself and be OK. It's a huge ego boost. When you're ready, as punisher said, take up a hobby or something to get you out and around people. You'll meet someone. Usually when you're not really looking, it seems.

#11 blue282

blue282
  • Members
  • 60 posts
  • Flag:
  • Gender:Male
  • Interests:Model airplanes, outdoors, motorcycles

Posted 08 December 2011 - 02:03 AM

Just try to remember that not all men are the same. My ex-husband was verbally abusive and is now in prison for molesting two children. I can't stress this enough.. therapy, therapy, therapy. I'm married to a wonderful hubby now, but even after being together for 10 years I still find that I have a lot of trust issues. Thank god he is patient and puts up with me. I suspect I'll be in therapy forever, but it does help. Don't rush into anything with anyone. You don't need a man. Sometimes it's great just to find that you can be by yourself and be OK. It's a huge ego boost. When you're ready, as punisher said, take up a hobby or something to get you out and around people. You'll meet someone. Usually when you're not really looking, it seems.


Wow that must be awful to find out that your ex-husband turned out to be a pedophile.

I agree with you totally. Be happy with yourself first. I wish I had done the same when I was younger. I was never happy with myself and seem to always get involved with the same types of girls; liars, cheats, manipulators and one in particular was very emotionally abusive and took advantage of how vulnerable I was emotionally. She knew that I wouldn't leave because I had no self esteem. I thought that I could never do any better and that she was out of my league, she knew that so she thought she could hurt me and treat me like garbage and I would always stick by her. I'm so glad it's all behind me because when I recovered and did finally manage to start feeling happy with myself and life, I met an amazing person who I have now been married to for 8 years.

Edited by blue282, 08 December 2011 - 02:07 AM.


#12 scully29

scully29
  • Members
  • 1,212 posts
  • Flag:
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Michigan

Posted 08 December 2011 - 05:08 AM

Just chiming in to say I understand and I am in the same boat. Maybe we can figure it out together.