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Maybe I'm just sensitive

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#1 LostInTheCity

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Posted 05 October 2010 - 05:14 AM

I know that people say that many things qualify as abuse, but honestly there are times when I think to myself, well maybe I'm just being too sensitive. I've been in a relationship for about 2 years now, but most of the time it seems like I'm the only one in it. My boyfriend does these things that get me down, says and does things that hurt me, and he knows it. There are times when I feel so sad that I don't even want to move, and there are times when I love him more than life. Its very confusing. Sometimes he tells me that he loves me, and that I am special to him. Other times he calls me names, puts me down, tells me that he doesn't care about me, that I'm replacable, disposable, fat, ugly, stupid... and so on. He goes out on a regular basis (bars, nightclubs) and never wants to take me with him, it may sound stupid that I don't believe he's cheating but I really don't think that's what's going on. That's not the problem with him, the problem is control. On these nights that he goes out he expects me to sit at home waiting up to hear from him at 4 or 5am that he got home safely. If I make plans to go out with my friends he becomes suspicious, he sends people to spy on me and check that I really am where I said I would be, I have cut ties with pretty much every one of my male friends to avoid being accused of having bad intentions. I just don't know what to do anymore. I use to be this carefree, happy, confident person who was always surrounded by friends having a good time and enjoying life. I really love him and he has many good qualities that I would like the person I share my future with to have, but I feel like I am losing myself.Is there any way that I could hope to be happy and complete with him? Could I ask him to take small steps to helping us both be happy? I don't want to just abandon him, we have supported each other through a lot and he's not a bad person, he is very loving and supportive at times, I just wish those other bad times didn't happen. I always feel like I am giving more than I'm getting. But like I said before, I really don't know if its just me being a baby, people do have bad moods sometimes and I know I have to accept that. If anyone has some insight or similar experiences, I'm just looking for a word of advice.. Thanks.

#2 cavy_gurl

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Posted 13 November 2010 - 01:28 PM

You are not being a baby about this at all. Someone you love and who loves you can be so comforting that you begin to think "I'm just being sily, he does love me what am I worried about?"

Please don't dismiss this as something trivial this is very important to your individuality, your self worth and who you are as a person. Why does he call you names? Why is is okay for him to go out and you cannot go with him? Control. He is controlling your life due to his insecurity.

You do not deserve this. I know its hard to hear these things because he is so sweet, loving comforting.. but no one deserves to made to feel down, no one deserves to be made to feel unimportant.
You are not worthless or ugly. None of these things are true and you know it deep in your heart. He needs to let you be an individual and trust you.

You trust him when he goes out. Why can't he trust you to even be with him when he is out? A loving relationship is all about equality. You deserve to be his equal why aren't you treated as such? Why are you only treated as his equal sometimes? A loving relationship is about fairness. It is not fair to call you names. You don't call him names and make him feel low, worthless and not confident about himself. So why should he?

Sometimes you need to have a look deeper into how you are treated, not just in the good times but in the bad times too. Never forget that you DESERVE to be treated with respect 100% of the time. Even when couples fight, they still RESPECT each other.

Much Love,

Cavy xx

Edited by cavy_gurl, 13 November 2010 - 01:30 PM.