Jump to content


Photo

my story


  • Please log in to reply
4 replies to this topic

#1 punisher

punisher
  • Members
  • 274 posts
  • Flag:
  • Gender:Male

Posted 21 July 2010 - 09:37 AM

i always regret telling people, i wish i ould hide it, and nobody knows what happened to me, but i do, and for some reason i always talk about it, its getting over half a year later, and it still haunts me..

Edited by punisher, 23 July 2010 - 10:37 AM.


#2 jillie

jillie

    Sunbeam

  • Root Admin
  • 14,074 posts
  • Flag:
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Holland
  • Interests:This is it!

Posted 24 July 2010 - 08:45 AM

Hi Punisher,

i always regret telling people, i wish i ould hide it, and nobody knows what happened to me, but i do, and for some reason i always talk about it, its getting over half a year later, and it still haunts me..


I know you have written about what happened to you a couple of times now and each time you have taken it down after a short time. I can also understand why - what you are writing about it intensely personal and shocking. What I do want to reassure you about is that no-one here is judging you in any way. It must be very difficult to go back over such a dreadful time, but you are doing the right thing by writing about it and trying to get it out.

You have been severely traumatized, and it may well take you quite a time and some serious therapy to come to terms with what happened - half a year is really not so much time as far as far as this level of abuse is concerned. You also have the added difficulty of being a man who suffered marital abuse - although society nowadays does admit this can happen it is obviously not as common as when it happens to the woman. That whole male ego thing makes it even more difficult to talk about it.

Well done on picking up the pieces and trying to start you life again with your daughter. Meanwhile, keep posting here.

love Jillie xxx

#3 punisher

punisher
  • Members
  • 274 posts
  • Flag:
  • Gender:Male

Posted 24 July 2010 - 10:11 AM

i keep an diary on my computer too,

i dont feel im a man anymore... nor do i think ill ever have another relationship again... i dont think ill ever be normal again..

im content with being single for life, i dont think relationships are worth it either... nor do i want anybody in my life anymore...
i sometimes do get loanly for conversation, i dont want sex or anything like that, never had that for years anyway.. just talking to people but it always seems to go into my own problems...

#4 glassslipper

glassslipper
  • Members
  • 354 posts
  • Flag:
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Northern Europe
  • Interests:Reading, History, Horror film, most creative things, I think elbows are ugly along with belly buttons, but I love curries, followed by anything chocolate.

Posted 24 July 2010 - 11:48 AM

Hi Punisher

The worst thing you can do for yourself and your daughter is do the 'man thing' and push things down, you need to vent, figure stuff out, go through it again, the pressure thats built up over the years must be tremendous. The next worse thing you could do is vent in the wrong place at the wrong people, you're not doing that, you've found this forum and you will find a therapist or friend that will help you along the way.

Another way to look at things, if you feel so bad, about not shaking off the trauma of the last few years in a MERE SIX MONTHS, is...........if all things that you have suffered were to be regarded as individual crimes.......how much paperwork would that cause you? How much time do you and your colleagues spend with say someone that has been the victim of a robbery? How long does it take for each victim of trauma or crime to 'get over it'? Please get the perspective that I am seeing, its gonna take time and effort to get over what you have suffered, we are not talking about stubbing your toe, losing a favourite jacket or having one bad argument, these are multiple events that add up. You've done what a lot of us do, in order to function and cope you've pushed things back, you've held a tidal wave back with a mud wall. Now your partner has gone, you can concentrate on you, build foundations for your future with your daughter, this is your chance.

I am bitter about things that have happened in the past and I try to deal with it, not always sucessfully, but I am trying, I try to look forward, try not to beat up strangers in car parks that cut me up, try not to cry and thats the best I can do.

You are doing the best you can do, starting again after such trauma, finding your feet, its scarey, believe me, I know.

Keep trudging on and every now and again the trudging turns to a moment of happiness.

As far as relationships go, if you want one it will happen, if you dont thats fine too.

What is normal? Damned if I know!! If I ever every meet someone who says 'I am normal' I would be suspicious, I dont believe there is such a person, we all have our quirks, traumas, the 'Normal Swingometer' goes way to the left and way to the right. No ones' is fixed smack bang in the middle

Maria x

#5 punisher

punisher
  • Members
  • 274 posts
  • Flag:
  • Gender:Male

Posted 25 July 2010 - 09:17 AM

thank you, that makes a lot of sence to me about what im going through...