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I have to stop

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#1 Unless

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Posted 30 March 2006 - 07:54 AM

I recently began throwing up (well, in the past few months)
I have to stop-Im killing myself.
I think I am cutting up my throat (with my fingers), my insides literally feel crappy, I almost passed out driving, this morning I woke up and could barely get out of bed I felt so weak. It not only takes up huge amounts of time, but its also gross and expensive (you have NO idea how much money I spend on food)
Its horrible in every way-Im not even losing much weight. (not that its really about weight)
I hate lying to my friends, I hate the smell of vomit, and I hate feeling sick, tired, cranky, weak, and hungry all the time.
Why do we do this to ourselves?

However, I am trying. I threw away the unhealthy foods in the house that I know I would binge on. I made a coping bank. I do have plans to eat healthier tomorrow. Im trying so hard to stay positive. I want to get better. I want to be happy. I want to be healthy. I want it, but Im weak.

(On another positive note-I havent self injured in a long time-ok, I guess bulimia is another type of self injury, but it feels like a small victory that I havent cut in forever-if I could beat that, maybe I can beat an ED as well)

#2 sunny

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Posted 27 April 2006 - 02:54 AM


#3 Lookin fer Light

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Posted 27 April 2006 - 05:40 AM

I know nothing about Bulimia ,but I do know weakness and you sound like you have strength within....just dig down to it.All the things you want can be yours when you find that strength.It sounds like a huge victory to me,if you have the strength to stop the cutting.
You can find the courage to help your self with your eating disorder,I have no doubt that you'll find an abundance of compassion and support here to help ya along your Journey. :wtg:

#4 niisamarie

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Posted 27 April 2006 - 01:42 PM

Hi Nicole~~

I can relate to all you are saying. I have no clue how to stop any of the eating or non eating I do. I wish I could help.

Right now, I think, I am not willing to change. So that makes it even harder. Atleast you have the will to change it. That is the big step I suppose.

Please, take care and keep posting. It is nice to hear from someone else who is going through similar pains. I wish we didn't HAVE to go through this. Maybe we can work on it together? If you want?

:?: :?:

#5 Sunshineinmyface


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Posted 28 April 2006 - 02:43 AM


I am so sorry you are going through this. And it sounds like you are doing it alone. Since you are feeling so frustrated with this eating disorder are you willing to reach out to someone in RL for help? I do not know what you have done in the past about your eating, but where I am there are doctors, therapists, and support groups for eating disorders. It seems much like depression from what people who have eating disorders have told me...tied to emotions and traumas and very much helped by those that really understand the disorder.

Congratulations not self injuring for a very long time. And on being determined to eat healthy. From what I hear it can be a real struggle so keep posting.


#6 angie74

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Posted 19 May 2006 - 07:17 PM

You're right. You really do have to stop. I'm not saying this to be judgmental, but in case you aren't aware, bulimia is deadly and can cause HUGE damage in quite short periods of time. Witb repeated vomiting, you are especially at risk for going into cardiac arrest. In addition, this vomiting destroys your throat and esophagus (and who knows what else?) and there is a substantial link between scarred tissue in the esophagus and esephogeal cancer. This is not meant to be a scare tactic-this is just what I happen to know bulimia can cause.