to figure out my friend -- its almost becoming an obsession with me and in some cases getting me very depressed - i have a friend whom i care for very much - i recently told her about my depression for 2 reasons ..one is that i wanted her to know why i acted the way i did in certain situations and two i noticed that she herself is anxious and depressed and i wanted her to know that i understood some of what she might be going through - ever since i told her about me - i think of hardly anything but making this a closer relationship - i am obsessed with it -i dont let her in on the obsessed feelings i have..i bite the bullet and i dont "hound" her like an obessed person would do another b/c i know what i am doing and i know its part of an illness.. i just want to get rid of this obsession. i think the thing that bothers me the most is that i truly dont know how she feels about me - the friendship is somewhat one sided - i give way more than i receive in the relationship - i am okay with this IF i only knew what i meant to her i think i would have closure - i cant help but wonder sometimes if she is a fair weather friend - my psychotic tendencies tell me she is...that she is doesnt care about me in any way that she is out to hurt me - that she is manipultive and i am just a warm body to occupy her time at work BUT my heart tells me that she is really depressed and is giving me all she possibly can give me right now - i am sticking with my heart ..i have to so what do i do with the psychotic thoughts ?? i keep flip flopping and i fall into depression when the negative thoughts override my mind :?
i think i am trying too hard
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