I think i've figured it out...
Posted 08 July 2011 - 11:26 AM
I was abused by many men in my life sexually, physically and verbally and have found in looking at myself I have a deep deep hatred for men as a whole.
I have a boyfriend who does treat me well, however I know I sabotage our relationship. And I keep him in the dark on what I do because I really do not want to hurt him, yet I know I would hurt him if he ever found out what I do... I also ruin friendships with any male friends. I go through a cycle of befriending them, gaining there trust then crushing them with cheating, deceit, lies and overall wanting to hurt them as much as possible. Then I make it all up to them again. I dangle my ex's like puppets, saying I love them when I do not and never have. I seem to have a terrible cycle of hurt and pain against men and I feel like it has to stop yet I cannot find a way to do it.
I feel like im taking revenge on the men who hurt me in my life by hurting any male I come across, by manipulating them and getting to their feelings. Then I crush their feelings and make them hurt the way I did. What is wrong with me! I feel like they deserve it and I cannot stop.
I need some help, I'm just as bad as the men who raped me, I'm just as bad as my ex bf who punched me every night I don't know how to stop it all!
Posted 09 July 2011 - 01:18 PM
I personally would recommend talking to a therapist about this to help you with the unresolved anger issues. The abusive cycle you are in will continue to repeat itself sadly until you deal with your issues and your past and begin to heal from it.
Good luck, and keep venting!
Posted 16 July 2011 - 01:29 PM
I think you need professional assistance so I suggest you see a therapist. I can see how you arrived at your position but it is not a good place to be. I think it is fair to say that some men are ass holes and you need to avoid them.
In your wake probable lie many emotionally damaged men who are right now fucking up the lives of women in revenge for their own pain. This story could be an infinite series of events that will continue for generations in the future.
One injustice tends to lead to another in a sort of chain reaction of cause and effect. You can break your part of the chain by seeking help to sort out what is a very complicated situation. In the mean time hangout with us at BTB for emotional support.
Ed the chow hound
Edited by Ed the chow hound, 16 July 2011 - 01:37 PM.
Posted 08 December 2011 - 02:28 AM
Also think about how it might affect the men you are hurting emotionally. They could end up just as angry and like Ed said, they may repeat this on other women and more and more hurt just gets spread around. Think of it this way, did thousands of women and children in Dresden deserve to burn to death because of the actions of Hitler? I know it's more complicated than this as it's your subconscious that is doing it, this is why only seeing a professional can help break the cycle. As Ed says, you can break this chain now and not only will you prevent more hurt being spread around but it will be beneficial for you mentally as well and your relationship with your boyfriend may have a chance of succeeding. The abuse you received was NOT your fault, but you have the chance now to stop all this, to stop the cycle of hurt and to let go of all your anger. Please don't be afraid to seek help. It also might help if you asked for a female therapist if that would make you feel more comfortable.
Edited by blue282, 11 January 2012 - 04:08 AM.