Hi there, I'm new to the forum. This isn't entirely true cause I've had this account for a year or more. I just wasn't sure how I should proceed or introduce myself.
I need help.
When I was 20, I finished college early, got my certification and consequently got a job at a big company as a software engineer. I've always struggled with depression and especially anxiety. Shakes, morning sadness, panic attacks...etc.
It seemed that not everyone was happy that I got a new job, particularly my brother and his then girlfriend and now wife. She's always tried to undermine me. When I got a higher paying job than her. Going as far as telling me my signature was shit and spreading rumours that I could not write. She undermined me to her children. They don't respect. She constantly called me stupid to whoever was listening. I developed scryptophobia where I was scared of writing by hand and I avoided even signing my name. This woman, who never even went to college and barely graduated highschool, who can barely form proper English sentences called me stupid. I know that education isn't a true measure of intelligence but is it me. Maybe I am completely stupid?
My self esteem got so low that I eventually quit my job and became a shut in. I've been freelancing here and there but I can barely hold onto a job without quitting within a month.
I'm sorry if this post seems disjointed and apologize if it's hard to read because of any grammatical errors or skipped words. But it's hard reliving those painful memories. It feels like PTSD. I have nightmares about her deriding me. Talking shit about me. Poisoning the well. It feeds my depression, self loathing and anxiety. I don't know why she did that. Was I really that stupid? Was I deserving of the way she treat me? And what does bullying do? It doesn't better me? What was her motives?
I don't understand at all. Even if I can't write or sign? Or cook a meal to save my life, what does it have to do with her?