[Sunshineinmyface]

Over the last two weeks I have slipped down the slope of depression. I am having trouble functioning and I just do not know what to say about it right now. I just wanted to get it out here.

[glassslipper]

Sorry you are feeling so low. But at least theres a few of us already here to greet you!!
You dont have to say anything, we know............

Hugs, love, light and peace to you.

Maria x

[J-H]

Words fail to express the deep empathy I feel for you. I send you my very best wishes from afar. J-H

[RWigram]

Poor ((((Sunshine))))

[Dedalus77]

(((((((((((Sunshine))))))))))))

I absolutely know where you are and how bad it can feel to be there. I wish I could share my recent good spirits with you, in lieu of that, here is a cyber hug.

[Ed the chow hound]

Sunshine,

When the beast has you by the throat relax as much as you can and write your posts very slowly. You may need to edit the posts a number of times and correct misspelt words but it is better to post and feel connected to your BTB cyber family that just suffer in silence.

love ya always

Ed the chow hound

[whitecarib]

Sunshineinmyface, on 08 February 2010 - 09:03 AM, said:

Over the last two weeks I have slipped down the slope of depression. I am having trouble functioning and I just do not know what to say about it right now. I just wanted to get it out here.

Hang in there! You will round the corner soon!!

[drgnfly]

(((Sunshine))) We're here for you, whatever you need. You are not alone!

[Hangingon]

((((Sunshine))))

I hope things look up and soon! Vent as needed and hot me up if you need to talk.

Love

Sheila

[Sunshineinmyface]

I just start crying for no apparent reason, then I start thinking that I am pathetic and everyone would be best without me around. At other times I feel very afraid....it does not make much sense but that is how I feel. I am wanting to cancel the trip my boyfriend and I have scheduled for march. I just cannot see myself going and am afraid to go now. He still wants to go because we have never been on vacation in the seven years we have been together and thinks I will enjoy it once I get there. I was suppose to start volunteering at a local hospital, but they wanted us to buy a shirt from them and only wear white turtlenecks under the short sleeve shirt they provided at $20 or a white over sweater and only black pants. I just did not have the money at the time and now I just do not want to do it right now. I still have to take a test before I can be approved. I just want to postpone the whole thing until I feel better. One problem, I am so ashamed....my therapist (individual) asked me how it was going and I lied that it was fine. Now I feel so guilty about lying to her, I just feel like a piece of shit over it. Sorry this is so run-on. I am feeling very emotional right now. Like I am not being a good pet owner. The dog seems happy enough, but I still feel like am not a good owner. I see my pdoc this friday and I do not know what he will do. I sometimes just want to go to sleep and never wake up again.

[Canewielder]

(((((Sunshine)))))

I really hope things start looking brighter for you soon. Don't ever think others would be better off without you around because you are a big part of peoples lives. You are a wonderful caring person and many people here need you and look forward to your posts. Just take things one day at a time and only do what you feel up to doing right now. Don't ever forget that we are here for you and are ready to help you through these tough times.

Take Care,
David

[J-H]

(((((Sunshine))))), sending you my very best wishes from afar...

[natoking]

Sunshine- I know that you are really feeling down when you think that your dog doesn't appreciate you. I have felt like my dogs were disappointed in me before.

I have tearful periods when I go through "mixed episodes". Feeling depressed and all wound up at the same time. High anxiety!

I hope you can talk openly to the doctor soon. It sucks when little things seem overwhelming. Hoping you feel better real soon.

Bob

[glassslipper]

It is awful when you cant see the logic for crying and I certainly feel even worse when there is no logic, but thats the way the beast is. March is a long time away, so you have no need to worry about it. I know how awful you feel at bein broke, been doing the scrape around the bottom shelves myself recently,that is when I can be bothered to go to the shops, when I can be bothered to get out of bed, get dressed AND get out the flat. As far as lieing to your therapist? You will say what you need/want to say when you are ready to say it and when you are ready to hear it. You've just said it here, so thats something. One of my friends told me of a time that her partner told her some home truths very gently, her reply to him was 'how dare you! I am not ready to hear this!', sometimes we aint ready to say or hear stuff and if your therapist is worth half her salt, she will understand. We dont just communicate with words.






I feel like I am a bad owner sometimes, cos I should do more training and more playing, but right now I cant cope with too much, , but my head knows my babes are okay, they are fed and walked and loved. I just aint going the extra mile I 'should' be doing (note: this word 'should' be removed from the English Language). But if animal wefare call, they would have nothing to claim.
Going to sleep? Well I think of that like Sleeping Beauty, Wake up and everything is solved, I wish and anyhow you can't do that,cos there's too many of us in this bed aready.

From your posts I think you are a lovely caring person and though you may feel lousy right now, it dont mean you are and I dont think you are and all these posts from The Gang at BTB say they think you are lovely too!!

I do hope you get a chink of light soon, I have a match lit for you here.

Maria x

[rosie8]

Sunshine, sorry things are bad at the moment, as you always give replies to most of our posts - I tend to think of you as some all wise and coping person - yet I know you are in the same boat as the rest of us!

The dog will manage, don't worry. I've been grumpy and shouting at mine when manic - and they just avoid me and wait out the storm. I think dogs are smart enough to deal with our moods - whether up or down.

Maybe your therapist has twigged not all is well and is waiting for you to say something? As for voluntary work - it is not easy and maybe waiting till you are ready is a good thing at the moment? I did voluntary work and it used to drain me and make the depression worse - but also bought rewards in socially meeting other people and not being isolated - double edged sword I think.

Take care and be our sunshine again x
Rx

[FuzzyFuture]

Sunshineinmyface, on 09 February 2010 - 08:05 PM, said:

I just start crying for no apparent reason, then I start thinking that I am pathetic and everyone would be best without me around. At other times I feel very afraid....it does not make much sense but that is how I feel. I am wanting to cancel the trip my boyfriend and I have scheduled for march. I just cannot see myself going and am afraid to go now. He still wants to go because we have never been on vacation in the seven years we have been together and thinks I will enjoy it once I get there. I was suppose to start volunteering at a local hospital, but they wanted us to buy a shirt from them and only wear white turtlenecks under the short sleeve shirt they provided at $20 or a white over sweater and only black pants. I just did not have the money at the time and now I just do not want to do it right now. I still have to take a test before I can be approved. I just want to postpone the whole thing until I feel better. One problem, I am so ashamed....my therapist (individual) asked me how it was going and I lied that it was fine. Now I feel so guilty about lying to her, I just feel like a piece of shit over it. Sorry this is so run-on. I am feeling very emotional right now. Like I am not being a good pet owner. The dog seems happy enough, but I still feel like am not a good owner. I see my pdoc this friday and I do not know what he will do. I sometimes just want to go to sleep and never wake up again.

Sunshine,

I don't think the world would be better off without you. But, like you, I've thought that at times. The vacation could be a "change of scenery" that would help a lot, if you can manage to get there. But you have to decide whether it's too much to get ready, etc.

I wonder if the hospital could give you the shirt, if they knew you were short on cash. I don't blame you for feeling a bit put out - after all you are volunteering your time, why should you have to buy a shirt?? Then again, maybe being there to volunteer would make you feel better. Can you give it a try, and then stop if it's too much?

We shouldn't lie to our therapists. I'd be surprised if any of us haven't at times. I know I've not let on just how bad I feel. My GF chides me that when I say "I'm a little bit down" it means I'm borderline suicidal. Thats an exaggeration - I'll tell the T that I'm "more down than usual" but not usually details. (One wonders why they don't ask more.) In theory you aren't allowing him/her to help you if you don't tell the T how you feel. So try to, but don't beat yourself up too much over not doing it; just try next time? and with the pdoc.

I bet it's mostly the Beast telling you that you're not a good pet owner.

FF

[Ed the chow hound]

Sunshine,

I would be a lot worse off if you were not around to give me comfort and support and so would lots of BTBers as well. Keep posting and stay in touch with your cyber family at BTB for emotional support. You are an important member of our cyber family we need you.

love ya always

Ed the chow hound

This post has been edited by Ed the chow hound: 13 February 2010 - 09:14 AM