Back On The Rollercoaster
Posted 01 April 2008 - 11:28 AM
I am back on the roller coaster of being on meds, I was put back on meds a little over 2 weeks ago after being off them but far from depression free about 3 or so years. The last time I struggled quite badly with the fact that I was on A/D's and I guess I never really accepted it, along with the 3 or 4 different meds that I tried the first few didn't work and then my last med I was on worked in the beginning and then stopped although I continued to take it after it had stopped working.
My old GP was supportive at the start but then it felt like he pretty much gave up on me, so I gave up on myself. This time around I have a new GP that seems to want to help as much as she possibly can and has actually listened to me the 2 appointments I have seen her so far for the treatment of my depression.
She has put me on Lexapro and also has a back up med for me if this one doesn't work out, she wants me to see a psychologist when the meds kick in and they get me "stable" enough to be able to cope with that kind of stuff atm she says her main concern is for me to keep safe while waiting for the meds to kick in.
Although treatment and meds for me is not something new, it's still scary as hell I have a huge problem with trust, I have a long record and problem with giving up on myself, and I also have a problem with taking my medication the way I should.
Right now my body is still trying to get used to the meds, the increased dosage she upped me to last week is making me tired as hell during the day, my concentration span seems next to nothing, and my thought process has slowed down so much so that the phrase "think before you speak" has taken on a new meaning anyone talking to me IRL it takes a bit for me to recognize what they have said and a few more seconds to be able to formulate a response which is frustrating and defeating at the same time...
Not sure why I felt the need to post this, I guess just wanted to let people know where I am at the moment.
Posted 01 April 2008 - 11:49 AM
I hope the Lexapro helps...a lot! Sorry you're having so much trouble speaking. Sometimes I have a lot of problems with that too. I think it's a good idea to put off therapy until you're more stable, probably also good to wait until you're better able to speak too...I know if I had been paying for therapy by the word, there are a lot of times when it would have been pretty cheap; it always seemed pretty ridiculous to pay for an hour in which I wasn't able to say more than a few sentences.
Posted 01 April 2008 - 11:59 AM
Really glad you have a good GP who has some plans laid out to help you.... When you feel like giving up on yourself, talk to the GP and talk to us here. You DO deserve the help and we'll never give up on you.
The thoughts will level out and pick up again when the meds kick on full. Those beginning "zombie days" are a bitch and I hated them too. As I told you, it's a lot like being stoned!!!
Glad you posted the update. Keep going at it, we're right with you.
Posted 01 April 2008 - 01:19 PM
Even if you have trouble speaking, there is a clarity about your post that shows -- from what I can tell -- a self-awareness that I haven't seen from you before.
Treatment for depression is a scary thing, but it's wonderful that you have a supportive doctor to work through it with you. The first few weeks of your new zombie persona will quickly fade away, and then, hopefully, the Lexapro will start working for you.
Be encouraged! You've taken a step in the right direction. Honor yourself for having taken that step, and don't lose hope.
Posted 01 April 2008 - 03:09 PM
Posted 01 April 2008 - 06:30 PM
Good for you. I am SO happy that you have a GP who is really empathetic and listening to you.
It is okay to take the therapy slowly. If you get a T as good as you GP S/He will take things very slowly and build some trust. So, when you get to the therapy part...vent and stuff here when it feels like it isn't working. It is a slow process especially in the beginning.
I wish much success with all of this.
Posted 01 April 2008 - 07:08 PM
I am glad you decided to post and let us know what's going on with you. Been wondering where you've been hideing.
Hopefully the narly side-effects will decrease and the benefits will show soon. Just give it some time.. (I am aware of how hyporcritical it is of me to say that sinse I quit my meds after only a couple of days for the exact same reasons you give in this posts.. well, the atention span and the "slo-mo" brain function part of it)
*sends Bee some strength via cyber-land*
Posted 02 April 2008 - 05:30 AM
Sounds fantastic!! Keep up with the GP though about not kicking in or additoal symtoms, or any changes for that matter.
As for therapy sounds fantastic...trust issues all the better therapy is the perfect situation to work on that. If you want check out my how to find a T or questions to ask T in the therapy folder...gives some good information. Cannot take credit for all of it buth having seen so man "mental - cause = health" people not kind ones like your new GP sounds to be. Please keep going picking through the leaves until you find a grassy s pot you feel as comfortable as you can in - click with T.
Starting therapy is difficult and frightening for us with MI that is severe, and other issues melting in the pot as well. Just give it a go...first session is YOU interviewing them - they work for YOU. Try another, try to get referals from GP, Pdoc anyone they can recommend to recommend. Take it as slow as you like...put that up front as one of the agreements of the sessions - no pushng to trust/disclose. If you do not feel enough trust in 1 year with person you trust but not for all then perhaps another year is in oder. No scientific time lines, everyone and that is patient and T and pdoc...etc. If they work together well or not . If not - leave - do not even call to explain, cancel or don't make another appointment. they are busy and take this as hey part of the profession - hope they find someone to click with.
Information over load done....
Please let us know what you want to say after meeting your t and how appt went. Oh, print out the questions in the therapy subfolder and take it in ask as many questions as you want...so what if T waits while you write things down or page through to find question. they should be patient, their training and again you are the customer and they work for YOU
Posted 02 April 2008 - 10:53 AM
Thank you all so much for your support on this... Really not sure exactly why it took me 2 weeks to post about this, guess my feelings of being defeated by going back on to meds when it was the last thing I ever wanted to do had a bit to do with it.
I'm struggling like last time with the actual taking the meds part, I know it can take anywhere between 4-6 weeks for them to kick in and I start to feel anything different but it's getting to that stage without giving up, like last time I am scared that I am going to fail again if I have a dip I just stop taking the medication, and knowing that I still have around another 4 weeks before I could notice any change any kind of "dip" could happen in the mean time and that worries me
As for the therapy part, my GP discussed this the first appointment and said that she would help find me one when the time come for me to start seeing one, although I am not quite sure how to tell her what I want, I know for me I want a female and I want for them to be no where near my age range, is that just too much to ask for?
Not new to the medication side of depression but I have never been in therapy before
Posted 02 April 2008 - 12:53 PM
I who have been booked with many so-called T's through insurance co, no pdoc has ever come up with one, nor wanted to in my dealings with them. Meds are all that is needed it seems is their belief system (that is what most all I have seen say not that they say don't go to therapy for that, don't know any, go if you want, no interacting with me about the decision) in my state & perhaps country. Of all the people who should know therapy and meds work more effectively than just meds (pdocs profit would be my guess) I would sure think pdocs would with all the extra study and residency in mental health. Some can be full of malacy.
So, I hope you can see where I am coming from when I say you have a jewel of a gp, IMHO, at least to this point. I have had gps and specialist decide to stop trying to figure - too much trouble - can't help anymore because they will not consult at hand resources, consult and/or do not care. I am sure of this because I have had drs answer these questions, now without great assertiveness on my part, and with great reluctance on their end to have to explain short say nothing conclusion, and not willing to be honest. Finally, keeping them in the room to prevent their embarrassment, with phone and pager at hand to summon someone, security?) did not. In the end they admitted they did not know and did not pursue and were lying to me - in those words or pretty much out loud to me.
Anyhow, Your gp sounds on top of this. Do work with her by telling her your preferences - woman not your age and just one general issue or say you want some one trained in x area. Perfectly excellent thing to ask and should ask and receive a pleasant response in you making a person more like (fill in the blank.) Please if you get a good report with your gp ask for the preferences you nave and they should be able to meet, and think (even if you do not believe it or shared including what area they practice in most of the time, then what do you know from first had qualifications your are mentioning to her.
P.S. I do not believe I have exhausted my thoughts on these subject here bit a bit. Feel free t ask on this topic or PM me. I will honestly tell you about what I know and where iti s from.