I have experienced
depressive episodes since I was very young. I was a chronic worrier
and very insecure then. I seemed to never feel good as a teenager
and felt different from everyone. I remember crying a lot and
nightmares I was very nervous of everything. I married young 17 and
had my 2 children by 20. After my last was born I developed panic,
anxiety and major depression.
I was then put on
medication. It seemed to help.
I am now 44 and at a
point where I am trying to accept that I am predisposed to
depression. I struggle though because I feel like somewhere along
the line I must be doing something wrong or it would never come
back.
Between then and now
I have taken the word depression out of my vocabulary (it didn't
exist) ,
I have partied myself out of my reality only to come back and feel
guilty,
I have tried herbs and remedies galore,
I have fell on my knees and prayed many times for God to take it
away,
I have tumbled and fell and got back up and continued on.
That is what frustrates
me...Just when it seems like I have a grip the bottom falls out
again and into the darkness of my existence I go.
I think my problem to be
honest is my lack of trust in the doctors and the meds they
prescribe. I am trying to change that. I need to change that
attitude, it is obvious I need their help.
Depression....not much
fun....at all!
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