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For me depression is like
not having any connection to the things others do - like not feeling
better because my kid loves me, or my friends love me, even though I
should, not being able to enjoy relaxing or working hard because no
matter which I'm doing I feel deep down somewhere I should be doing
something else. Feeling like it would be so much easier to just
find a way to end it all - I'm just too much trouble to everyone
anyway and always mess things up.
The worst thing about my
depression is that it prevents me from feeling the love of anyone -
my very loving husband, my son, my friends - anyone! And then when
I'm down and they try to help me, and I tell them I just don't feel
loved, they get hurt and I feel even worse.
Depression is a curtain
hanging in front of the horizon that obscures everything with the
semi opaque dark grey feeling that nothing is worth trying or doing,
because it's all meaningless anyway.
Thankfully, I've learned
that that's a lie - and can usually remember that it's a lie even
when I'm deep in the pit trying to wrestle my way back up to the
light.
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